LyndseyElizabeth

Again Seriously

2010-10-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

I give up

I swear its not even worth it

Why do I do this???

Every time I open my mouth about someone new in my life out of excitement they just disappear.

I fuckin quit

Men you are too complicated for me

and Women cry to much

A sexuality here I come........

500 Days of Lyndsey

2010-10-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

So I am watching 500 days of Summer

I want that.

It just seems so uncomplicated at least for Summer.

I don't want a boyfriend. I can't handle relationship plus whats the point of them reallly?

To fall in love and get married?? To have companionship???

I don't believe in love.

I don't need a relationship for companionship.

I know it makes me seem like I a hypocrite for wanting all the perks of a relationship but none of the scary heartbreak and titles or officialness of a relationship.

Yes that means it will go nowhere

Yes I know someone will get hurt in the end

Yes I know that person might even be me.

I just cannot handle having my hopes lifted and then smashed to 12 billion pieces again, it really is just too much for me.

I wish I could control how i just put so much hope and faith into one person and just one little thing can ruin it.

I used to be a master of controlling my emotions, I blame Lilly for ruining this. I am not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing but alas it is a thing. I must learn to deal with it.

I should just ask her how to.

Being a chick sucks sometimes.

I refuse to use a legit paragraph

Now how do I express to him that I want this without scaring him away???

Regrets? I have a few.

2010-09-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

So its like week 2 in Hammer town.

I still hate it.....

I think it is possibly the worst idea I have ever had.

My mother tells me I will learn things from it other then the fact that I am going to school. So far I have learnt things I already know. I fucking hate people, I fucking hate living with people, I fucking hate living with people I do not know. I wish I would of moved into some dingy basement apartment alone, so I can live like the semi hermit that I am.

I have never had to force social skills more then I have been doing these past 2 weeks, fake laugh at everything ugh its so tiring pretending to like people.

I feel so old here.

Everyone in my classes is 18.

Also I have no idea how 95% of the people in my classes made it past kindergarten let alone to university. I am paying like 7,000 dollars to go to school I do not want to listen to you talk about your highlight, how drunk you got last night, how you are a slut who shouldn't of banged that guy or about the ever so old blackberry vs iphone debate. Seriously you are a drunken slut I don't care put a cock in your mouth and shut up.

My dog is annoying

I love her to pieces, which is funny because she sheds so much that pieces of her are with me everywhere I go.

She smells, not matter how often I bathe her, all she does is make me wanna eat corn chips.

I am fat enough I do not need that.

Cooking is the bane of my existence.

I hate it, I find it so tedious and not rewarding at all.

I though when something is that horrible it should have some kind of reward, yes cooking means eating which means not dying blah blah blah shut up.

I am done with this rant

Blog 1# from Hamilton, Happy Lilly???

BROMANCE

2009-05-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

So im chilling in out watching shitty music videos this morning, The music video Hot & Cold by Katy Perry comes on and im grooving to the jam because you know what its a catchy little diddy, don't make fun of me. So if you've never seen the video i'lll paint you a pretty picture. A church right? A bride Katy Perry with a funkin sweet vail thingy and a sex bomb dress and in the other corner we have thats right ladies and gents a groom some dude i think his name was Alexander like the Great or Ovechkin. So they're all do you take this man to be your husband and shes all I do, Then the spot light moves on over to Alexander and they ask him and he gets sweaty poms and look very weary of this whole situation ( not that i cna blame him) and guess what??? He frekin bolts out there like a bat out of mo'fuckin hell. Then Katy Perry chases after him as a crazy psycho delirious bride. Desperate you say? Thats what i thought at first too then my dears i put some more thought into it and look at it this was you will. A giant church, The usual over priced set up but this time the one who looks weary is the bride, She drops her flowers, bolts out of church and starts to run, Following not far behind her is the dashingly handsome rich man she was going to marry and he chases after her and professes his love for her. Romantic you say? No dice. Although i did paint these pictures to be different scenarios they are pretty much what most people automatically think. I am guilty of thinking of things in this double standard and i wanna say blame the media, blame mens and their strange fear of commitment which i am also guilty of, But really there is a complete and total well i dont want to say double standard, I would say its more so they way men and women are wired differently. What a female would think is romantic a guy would think is crazy, psycho desperate. Since these are the gender roles when it comes to these things, That is just how it is. Chase after your husband.......Desperate. Chase after your wife.........Romantic
EWWWWWW ROMANCE

Russian of The Month Part 2

2009-01-20T16:55:00.000-08:00

Ok so as promised you guys are getting a Russian of the month. Yes he's a hockey player. No he's not a Canadien, he doesn't even live in Canada BAHA, OK that wasn't even a little funny, like not at all, anyways so since you've been so patient and the Canadiens are playing so shitty, i decided to seek sanctuary in a nicer kinder place, the Ottawa Washington game, since I'm slightly obsessed with the stats for the whole league, i want Washington to LOSE, LOSE LIKE LOSERS!!! I really only feel that way because of the stats, i actually like the Capitals more then the Senators. So my Russian of the month is SERGEI FEDOROV. BOOM!

So i like pictures of Russians Pointing, So what. Highest scoring Russian born player ever, that's right boys and girls ever. This Pskov born 39 year old, is the bomb. Standing 6'2 weighing in a 206 pounds. He's dated many hot bitchez, well "hot bitches". He shoots with his left he's a center and a sexy. Born in Pskov in 1969 his mother Mama Fedorov birthed this fine piece of amazing hockey playing ass i mean hockey playing man, yes man. so much man. WOOO!!!! He is active in charities around Michigan and Russian FACT!

He's a super Hero FACT!! Well...He provided a children's hospital in Moscow with a dialysis machine which in turn saved lives which pretty much makes him a super hero

He Excels on the ice and off, If you know what I'm saying FACT Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid he hit that and now he might have Vd from the latter but you take that rish when you have sex with skanky womens even when they look as good as though two do.

He's won 3 Cups FACT! all 3 with Detroit in 1997, 1998 and 2002

He makes $4,000,000, He loves music, golf, travel, tennis boating and boning

He is Russian of The Month
one of many Russians of my wet dreams.

EPIC QUOTE-A-RAMA

2008-12-25T01:19:00.000-08:00

So i kinda fail at blogging, i don't do it often enough but i've kinda been busy lately with not sleeping, not eating, getting legit death threats from family, watching hockey, losing Lilly to Memphis for like 2 weeks, feeling too awkward to see Christine but then we were reunited and it did feel so good, makin bows all kinda fun stuffs.

so since the year is over I'd like to throw out two of my favorite quotes of the year, maybe its kinda cocky of me to do this and once you hear the quotes you'll love punderfullness of me calling that cocky.

so remember when i had that lovely run in with that lovely band that opened for gbh, then i went from foufs to katacombs to a sexy alley way in china town and stuff happened and like 3 Asian dudes on a "smoke break" watched. pretty sexy right, well this is where quote number one comes along. I'm wiping my mouth while we walk and i utter these words "so, you get alot of ass on tour?" cause i like to make things awkward for dudes after we have fun in Chinatown, that happening even brought us the "You know what happens in Chinatown"

Next on this happened all in that same night way later on at the after partay, im in a van with a dude who happens to be in the same band as boy number one, so things start to happen he takes out his wang, i look at him, i look at the wang, i pause and i open my mouth but the wang does not go in, these words come out " I'm sorry i can't do this, i just blew your drummer' BAM AWKWARD TOWN, then we went to boner town so it was ok. this second "slip up" brought us another little gem and a book i intend to write called "How to S and Esse by Ninja Ninjaroni"

YAY for over share woohoo

Things I'm Good At

2008-12-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

Lately the only damn thing i'm good at is being sick, for serious. I'm ready to punch all daycare children that enter my house. I have been sick for a good 4 weeks now.I've missed a ton of things except hockey because if i pay money for something there is no way im skipping on it, not my styles yo. Today i am currently exceptionally amazing at throwing up its been a talent of mine for that last 24 hours and not in the epicly amazing way the Elie sisters can all do this, in the way a gross sick person does it, Its way less hot.

RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH

2008-11-24T09:38:00.000-08:00

NOTE: I'm a dirty rotten post recycler

I has a new blawg y'all. it's a joined blawg with Miss Lilly aka my BFF yo. Even BFFL.

http://habutantes.blogspot.com/

and i started a new installment russian of the month. fuck i love russian. Me and Russians we'd mate like Lions hells yeah.

So if you've read our little mini bios over on the side you will know that i Lyndsey Elizabeth love, love, loves them damn Russians. Well i love all Eastern Europeans but Russian of the month sounds better and since they dominate the NHL it won't be too hard to have a new Russian of the month and you know damn right when i start to run out I'll just change it tp eastern European of the month......why? because i can, its my blog not yours na,na,na,na,na,na!!!!!

So here we go the first installment of the Russian of the month club. If you have ideas, comment, or want a membership please email me for the rule regulations and cost of being a part of this sexy sexy fan club, these sexay things don't come cheap. Like hookers, or women.......same difference really though. BAHAHAHAH.

ALEXEI KOVALEV

Standing 6'1 and weighing in at 215. This loveable little guy was born in Togliatti, Russia.
Born on Feb 24, 1973, He's a beautiful 35 years young. Now he ranks number 94 in scoring in the NHL and although that is not as magical of a number as oh say B.J Laraques who is currently at number 680, Kovi is still a fan fav. Its time for fun facts about Kovi If you've ever sat down on your couch and wondered "What the heck is Alexei Kovalevs favorite smell?" well don't fear i am here to tell you that he loves the smell of kabobs on the Barbeque, His favorite concert you ask why that's easy Depeche Mode which is all of this mocking is a funking awesome band, Now Ladies he makes $4,500,000 a season and thinks jewellery, Yes jewellery is the way to a women's heart........what a catch. For all of these lovely reason and because he's I figure my first Russian of the month should of played for the Habs and should of been well actually Russian, That's why Alexei is Fan Fav RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH.

My American Idols

2008-11-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

Move over Clay Aiken, Watch out Kelly Clarkson, Get the fuck out of their way Rubin St-St-St-Studdard, bahahaha see what i did there his last name is studdard which sounds like studder. Well at least i make myself laugh.Anyways my American idols are ladies and gents drum roll please..............................................................................
......................................... That's right you guessed American idol number one John Mo'Fuckin Waters. He is god, hes Jesus. He is sweet baby Jesus, but in a sexy tacky, very gay way. Which is the best way to be Jesus...Hells yeah. He is a genius and he hates so many things but is so funny about it and i one day too hope to be as hostilely funny as john waters. He's uplifting and inspirational and charismatic and*insert tear here* Glory Hallelujah Praise the lord and stuff !!!

how can you resist a face like that, he is only the greatest gay man to ever live. Seriously all films aside he is the awsomest. And the only person to ever get me star struck. His writing is amazing just amazing if you haven't read his books ask me to lend them to you because he's hilarious, like woah for serious i love him more then i love snoop, yeah that's right and y'all know how much i love that gangsta ass mother fucker, i think its his hair bobbles and sweet pony tail braids, and y'know his tight beats and bad ass rhymes. Back to John Waters fools!!! He is the pope of trash but a little more cannibalistic then the actual pope cause for serious Ratzinger is a total cannibal.

I could go on about my pure love for John waters all day but ill save you, Next order of business

My other absolutely amazing American idol is HUNTER S THOMPSON,

oh yes ladies and gents mister Gonzo journalism himself, mister fear & loathing, rum diary, curse of lono, hells angels, the great shark hunt, better then sex, rolling stone writing amazingly awesomely, bad ass mother fucker, in my calling him a mother fucker i would totally be OK with him fucking me mother even though he's dead. Hunter S as i like to call him is the greatest writer of all time and in all of his fucked upness he still managed to have a career well I'm not sure you can necessarily call it a career per se but he did get a PhD which in actually reality give me hope that if a bad ass mother fucked like Hunter S can get one maybe a no so Bad Ass father fucker like me( cause i don't fuck moms cause I'm not a huge dykie lesbian so i do dads not moms) back to my sentence not only as i a not bad ass father fucker I'm also a slacker, but he was always strung out. I would strongly suggest reading everything he has written, go to you're library, go to your local book store preferably a used book store cause they're way better and i like my books the same way i like my mens previously loved no virgins for me thanks. If you're unsure of whats good to read well ask a ninja aka me. This post took way too long to write and I'm not sure why but I'm liking the use of pictures in my blog. I will write again soon kiddies for now comment you motha fuckas i like feedback

What The Puck?

2008-11-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Montreal Canadiens

I have a few comments of note for you, I'm not saying you gotta take them I'm just saying they might help you out.I'll add pictures for the dumber ones or just the ones whose first language isn't English aka everyone but Higgy, Komi,Kostopoulos,O'byrne and Carey aka the virgin mother Carey Price.

Most of you know that you're on ice, for those of you who don't know I'm looking at you Lapierre, its not much much like asphalt or dirt, its a little more slippery. I'm gonna display a photo of what the ice you'll be on looks like, pay close attention
Next order of business Skates, you use these bad boys on the ice to get around and not fall on your ass, I'm still looking at you Lapierre. Just y'know skate with these damn skates ok so this part needs working on but you get the point. Lapierre can't skate. For reference these are skates

Look at this right here, this is a puck get to know it very well, its one of you're best friends.

Guess what??

You're going to put the puck it in one of these things right down there in that picture, It's called a net. just y'know don't put it in the net of the guy wearing the same shirt as you or else Chuck Norris will come and steal your soul .see that right below this sentence it's a net, say it with me boys n-e-t.

OK so now that we covered ice, skates, pucks and nets we're gonna talk about you're number one tool on the ice other then you're body it's called a hockey stick, you use this handy dandy little thing well unless your Chara and then its a handy dandy giant thing but anyways you use a hockey stick to put the puck in the net. now I'm gonna show you a hockey stick since you guys done seem to know what they are cause you keep fuckin loosing them so here goes i behold sweet boys the hockey stick

Ok boys now that we have the basics of hockey oh yeah i forgot to tell you, that's the game you guys are supposed to be playing HOCKEY, rather then oh i don't know standing on the ice playing school yard games like red rover.

We have the basics down of what you need to be doing on the damn ice.Ice, Skates, hockey stick, puck, net. Use the hockey stick to put the puck in the net. should look like this

I realise getting the puck in the net is well hard for you, like harder then a teenage boy watching porn for the first time, but uhm listen just try it out for size. Well i hope sarcastic hockey tips with Lyndsey Elizabeth Has been as good for you as it has for me..........until next time aka you're next fuck up.

Shes a Gimp

2008-11-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

Remember that time i almost got hit by a cast iron pan by Flannigan?? but i was a real slick ninja and i dodged it then the gimp saga began?? well im sure Flannigan remembers this happening and as for the rest of you, Welcome to the Gimp saga....... watch out for those cast iron pans though and sidewalks and stairs and baby Noah's. I'm serious not even pulling your chain or you leg or your dick or whateves, I'm for serious yo. Well this morning i tripped on my front steps, i bailed out and failed epicly. I have also discovered my teacher looks like a dude from brooks and dunn, not sure which one it is though, also he is shorter then me and currently won't shut the fuck up

someone get me the cast iron pan please

that was mean again, I'm in pain cut me slack

PULEASEEE

A Hunk Of Junk Pt.2

2008-11-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

So I'm pretty sure I'm falling apart......or dying or i have the plague or something. I like to exudate its what I'm good at, and its how i do. I took advantage of our oh so lovely FREE heath care in canadaland yesterday, and after 6 years of waiting and trying and calling and being pushy i finally got into see a specialist for ever so plaguing stomach problems which first they thought oh its just acid reflux, nope maybe its ulcers, nope maybe its an very very sexy inflamed infected esophagus but oh no you know what that dick wad said it was guess what? FUCKIN NOTHING. I'm pretty confident i have not been in sever pain everyday for the past oh i don't know 8 years for nothing. I DID NOT GET A STUPID CAMERA SHOVED DOWN MY THROAT AND GET PICKED WITH MORE NEEDLES THE A HEROIN ADDICT WHO WON THE LOTTERY FOR NOTHING. No sir its not nothing, so y'know ima get a second opinion and stuff. On other news my beloved Habs epicly failed on Saturday and kinda on Friday to. We lost oh man it pains me to say this but we lost to Toronto. i pretty much was all hey guys way to skate like a seizing paraplegic, good job, good job, fantastique. You guys fail. But wanna see an upside to the night. Its not a fight or anything its just a whole lot of angry sexy man. Little know fact about me i love me an angry sexy man especially if he's eastern European and hockey player and named baby Kostitsyn, or Sergei Kostitsyn, or SK-74 or sexy Sergei. He's what i would call a man of many names. Similar to a man of many faces but more fun to say cause i said so? any who you're lucky sons of bitches get to see what I'm talking about cause i found a VIDEO, Thanks YouTube. Just a little advice LISTEN TO THE ANNOUNCERS AND WATCH IT TILL THE END OR ELSE I'LL SEND BIG GEORGE LARAQUES AFTER YOU, unless you're out of his weight division then y'know he'll scout the room for someone who is in his weight division and send someone smaller then you to fight his battle, read Kostopoulos who is suspended for a "dirty check" on those pussy ass Toronto boys blah blah head hit blah blah broken hand blah blah concussion blah blah broken nose, what a pussy., OK that was mean. here's the video while i gather my composure and make a feeble attempt at being nice

ok so i made funkin sweet Montreal Canadiens hair bows cause well i love the habs i love hair bows, I'm a chick so its allowed bam. me attempting to be nice isn't working so well. Y'know what pisses me off a little while ago, I'd say about a moth ago i was at a Montreal Boston game and I'm real close I'm talking super close like i could smell the sweat close right, it was that beautiful game when Lucic and Komisarik almost made out it was hot but not really. anyways when you're that close you would probably take pictures too right? its not everyday us poor folk get 200$ hockey tickets now is it? well apparently you're not allowed to legitimately like hockey right? i obviously paid 200$ to look at hockey players right? WRONG ASSHOLES. i may love to look at hockey players but i didn't play for the tickets and i probably love hockey more then most chicks you know, I've loved hockey since i was a wee little one. hockey and i had a little falling out a short while ago but we made up, i can forgive and forget that hockey ditched me for a year. Anywho back to my story. Me+Victoria+Montreal- Boston Game+Cameras, Up to speed yes? OK good. So after the end of the 1st these asshole 40+ dudes turn to me and Victoria and are all hey do you girls even know the score, so not only is this dickwad accusing me of not like hockey but also making me out to be stupid, LIKE YOU CAN MISS THE SCOREBOARD, fuckin asshole. So i says to him i says Oh no wait i actually like hockey, do you think i would dish out this kinda money to look at mens, I'm not some desperate slob like some people?? And even lets say i hated hockey you fuckin cunt and i came here only to look at mens, would you not go to watch hot chicks play a hot sport? I'm very sure you would, yeah no I'm 100% sure and I'm pretty confident beach volleyball isnt a real sport. its onyl for dirty disgusting horny men to watch, men get a whole sport for that and i can't come to a game enjoy the game and the men playing it.Oh no that'd be a crime. so fuck off, K thanks. This entry has already gotten too long and all over the place without being too far all over the place and uhm sorry about so much hockey talk little miss Ellie, although we know Flannigan will like it. Ok I'm out

PEACE

NOT SURE WHY I SAID PEACE OK I'M DONE!

A Hunk Of Junk

2008-11-02T00:13:00.000-07:00

So uhm i've decided i swear way too much in my blog, i need to tone it down a notch or take it down a notch, whatever sometimes i like to ruin saying and use way too many coma. it's who i am, its how i do. But for reals though i need to stop swear as much which is why im not going to go cold turkey cause really that'd end horribly but i'm going to limit myself to one sexy dirty word per sentence, i was going to go per paragraph but really who i am i kidding, baby steps right?? So i'm going to go ahead and get a little something out of my system and then i'll get back to this what will be promised to be the most all over the place blog entry of this month, SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCK SUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER,TITS,STUPID CUNT ASS BITCH, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. ok now that its out of my system and i got all semi George Carlin on your ass and i macked on his seven dirty words because really the might be my favorite especially cunt, i saw that alot, never actually referring to what a "cunt"is more so to people. My favorite part of England being able to say cunt and having no one gasp like i just ate their baby or something, im not the pope i don't eat babies or anything and he;; while we're talking about difference between me and the pope i don't join Hitler youth either so really im nothing like the pope. Ok so here is the deal i'm a hockey fanatic these days, I do live in Montreal so its very acceptable hell i'd even say its a requirement. I just wanna talk about last Saturdays game and how we lost but it was ok because seriously the ducks have a player who has the most epic moustachio EVER!!! like a move over Nick Cave there is a new moustachio in town, if you do not know Nick Caves moustachio click on his name, its magical ohhh wow. Seriously George Parros he wins at moustches and it gotten bigger and better and alot less sexy, but i have this weird over whelming urge to want to comb it and it makes me feel so dirty in the best way possible. ok dudes so im really tired and uhm i'm turning this entry into a two parter , oh how exciting you're favortie kid of entery one with a little suspense...............

Remeber That Time....

2008-10-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

Remember that time that the habs played a game on Saturday and Kurt Sauer tried to kill Big Daddy Kostitsyn, who isn't really the Kostitsyn daddy but just big brother Kostitsyn and not in big brother is watching you kinda way in a meet my big brother kinda way. Remember when Sauer didn't even get in trouble for a dirty hit to the head. Good times really. That hit was totally legit, too legit to quit.......oh the sarcasm. I think next time someone gets in the way of something i want i might do that to them and see how legit it is really. That's a good idea instilling body checking into everyday life and especially in the work place. Although that'd require having ref's in the work place everyday. Which would probably be a bad idea since they barely do their jobs on the ice as it is really. OH BURN. i don't think burns count when you call them out yourself so scratch that idea, but not really. I know Christine is going to hate this blog so I'm going to insert a photo of Youppi for her blog reading pleasure OH LA LA LOOK AT HIS SEXY ORANGE FUR. Any who I'm in class right now again, which guess what i actually like it. who'd of thunk Lyndsey"drops out of school" Pichette would actually like school. That whole drops out of school bit isn't entirely true. i did finish high school and elementary school which is more then my father can say. That's was mean but whateves. So i vote everyone needs to watch worlds best shows that i started to watch on Friday night, well i finished watching them too but any who for serious a healthy dose of yo mama and sex talk are the bets things to watch on a Friday night.So my recess is over now, when i say that i feel like I'm in court which is bad ass unless you're the one being prosecuted then I'm sure it sucks.

S-S-S-School Bitches

2008-10-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

So it's Friday afternoon right and im in class clearly working so fucking hard Eh?? yeah i said Eh yeah I'm Canadian you assholes and all of you are too, Lilly and Christine but not you Kristy. I'm sure you guys like getting personal shout outs in mah blog don't you?? i bet you do. I can pretty much do that because aside from my random french reader who I'm not sure even reads anymore you guys are my only readers and i blog for you assholes cause well you are pretty awesome duders, true story. I'm super multitasking right now, I'm making friends and blogging. Bet you wish you were that cool.

OLE.........BARF

2008-10-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

Dear French Hockey fans and douche fags alike
This would be a memo for you.
Ole, Ole, Ole is not an acceptable hockey chant.
Do the Habs Play Soccer full time? Don't think so
SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING A FUCKIN ANNOYING SOCCER CHANT!!!
we've covered the fact that it isn't soccer, well are we all Italian? maybe some of us- but most french douche bags who can't differentiate between soccer and hockey apparently. So not soccer, not entirely Italian, Wait could be in Italy.......nope fuckin wrong again. It's quebec. There aren't half as many rude douche bags in Italy, plus is nice there. So i think we've covered it Ole not a hockey Chant.

ACCEPTABLE!!!!

UnAcceptable Douche Fags

So now you know the difference, well just incase you're still confused I'll show you when to chant Ole Ole Ole

ACCEPTABLE!!!

Oh Saturday

2008-10-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

So this Saturday as many Saturdays before started off great really!! Hockey is on and I'm going to a show, nothing to alarm me really aside from the fact that i was going to a NOFX show blah blah blah.I leave the house take the metro all the way to my least favorite bar in town with Miss Lilly. so we get to the bar and low and behold we get carded, little known fact about me and Lilly we share the same name cause he real name *gasp* isn't Lilly. So whatever we show our cards to the bouncer, well i show my passport she shows her Medicare card and i guess he thinks we're fuckin dumb asses who share i.d but go in together, super smart right, any who we get in. We sit down to watch hockey and i look to see if i have my ticket and BAM no mother fucking ticket, left it at home. So we get back on to the metro and all the way back to my house to get my ticket. But hockey has started at this point and if you know me then you know I'm super Canadian in the way that i absolutely fuckin love hockey and hockey players!! shit yeah break me off a piece of that*drools*. Back on topic so we watch hockey until the end of the first period and then rush back to the bar, watch a little more hockey, meet out friends all is going great so far. We go to the upstairs of the bar where the bands shall be playing to see the band i was there for the Ripcordz , shit yeah. Band comes on stage, Band start playing, Band starts playing good song. Shitty ass NoFx fans don't move, Band tries to get fans into it, NofX fans FUCKIN FAIL. SERIOUSLY RIPCORDZ ARE THE OLDEST GREATEST MOST BESTEST PUNK BAND IN MONTREAL, I'LL EVEN SAY IN ALL OF CANADA. The NoFx douche bags barely move still. seriously fuck them. I've seen the Ripcordz play a ton of times to a ton of different crowds and never a reaction like this or should i say a non reaction. The band finishes I'm unimpressed because of the crowd blahhhhh. So whateves I'm chillin and illin with Lilly who for some reason wanted to stay for NoFx. So out come like 20 billion roadies, What the fuck who brings roadies to a shit ass nothing bar apparently fat mike and his band of oh so lovely people do. so the roadies fuckin do a 12 hour sound check sort of thing which is lame, the roadies have to make sure the guitars and bass are positioned perfectly on the amps and i had to stand in a room with way too many douche bags. If you've ever been to a NoFx show you know what I'm talking about when i shit talk their fans. So Nofx finally get on stage i last 10 minutes before i have to leave because i wanna vom for the grossness. OK so im a drama queen whateves. Upside the Montreal Canadians won their game 6-1. So that was the upside, plus the fuckin hot skinhead i saw at the bar while waiting for NoFx to finish their set. OK I'm done complaining. Thanks Christine and Kristy!!!!

DEAR CHRISTINE

2008-10-04T02:07:00.001-07:00

DEAR CHRISTINE
THIS BLAWG IS FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT READS THIS.

READER OF THE MONTH

FACTS ABOUT CHRISTINE: SHE LOVES HER PUPPY CHARLIE, SHE ALSO LOVES YOUPPI , SHE WILL PEE ANYWHERE, SHE LOVES P.T CRUISES AND THE 40+ CREW. ONCE SHE SPENT WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON A LEONARD COHEN TICKET. SHE ATTENDS SCHOOL AND IS STUDYING TO BE A HORSE. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE TO KNOW THAT SHE LOVES BEER, LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AND I DON'T KNOW.......UHM DRINKING PINA COLADAS AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN???? OH SHE REALLY LIKES CRASS.

WOOHOO CHRISTINE READER OF THE MONTH. YOU WIN, UHM SOMTHING. ACTUALLY I'M POOR SO YOU WIN YOUR OWN BLOG, FOR SERIOUS. MAYBE A RANDOM FRENCH PERSON WILL READ IT AGAIN AND BE ALL OH MY GOD THAT GIRL WITH HER FINGER IN HER NOSE IS SO COOL. ESPECIALLY AFTER HE READS THE RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU SECTION.

I Need Him In My Life, Not Really Though

2008-09-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

I'm obviously talking about the Jesus statue and not Nick Cave................Not!!!
Tonight i saw Nick Cave play and oh my baby Jesus it was amazing. I am absolutely in love with him, damn is he fine. But on a more serious note his live show was amazing, probably one of the best ever. The crowd thought so too apparently, since he got not 1 but 2 encours, yeah bitches you wish you got that many encours. Although i was too short to see most of what was happening i just knew i was at one of best shows i had ever been to, and I've been to many many shows i might add, I'd say on average one to two a weekend for like 7 years now. Wow has it been 7 years must of been, Jesus i feel old and I'm only 21, see this is why i hate numbers. Anyways good shit, I'd give my first born child to see Nick Cave again. Just everything about him was amazing, His voice, his band, his songs, his face, his sweaty shirt, his energy, his showman ship. I'm fuckin drunk so this probably isn't amounting to much but I'm trying to start writing in my blog. Maybe even things other then my incoherent ranting that I'm sure you oh so love. Back to Nick Cave again though dudes, I know some of you i.e Lilly hate Nick Cave but seriously suck my dick Lilly cause Nick Cave just won my heart

THE END, PEACE OUT FOOLS!!!

Oh My God Becky Look At Her Hair Its So Big!!!!

2008-06-03T14:42:00.000-07:00

So today I'm walking home from the pharmacy and i see this group of oh so cool high school kids. One of them elbows her friend so hard I'm sure she ruptured her spleen Sean Avery styles and obviously tells her friend to look my way because obviously i have an extra arm and herpes and paint all over my face right? WRONG!!!! I just had big hairs really i wasn't even dressed as "funny" as usual or in my hooker Minnie mouse get up either nope just a fuckin black dress and a few Pokemons not really i had zero Pokemon in or around my clothes or my skin. So then i cut their skin off and wear and dance to good bye horses, but not really. What really happened is it bothered me and then i wrote a blog about it but decided not to post it at the time but now i'm posting it on September 2nd. Now you dudes can stop complaining Christine cause i has a newish post. BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

..........

2008-05-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

Dude for real places that don't have ice shouldnt have hockey, what the fuck!!!!

DAMN YOU

2008-04-28T23:52:00.001-07:00

DAMN YOU PHILLY

DAMN YOU..................

Yeah Whatever!!!!!!!

2008-04-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

Ok so I've been kind of confined to the house for a few days and I've been watching alot of youtube. I found worlds greatest youtuber. Her youtube name thingy is katiesopinion. I LOVE HER!!!! she speaks the truth about men really, They're all penises. Even when you think you've found a good one , There are still many lovely great surprises to come with them, oh the sarcasm. . I'm not saying all guys are bad, but from my experiences not too many of them are great. Although really i wouldn't want to have to have to deal with dating women because i would probably smack a bitch!!! I guess i just don't get people really. Katie rocks so hard. Even though shes from Philly and i kind of have to put on my i hate Philly face, Until we kick them out of the play offs . Now i will show you a video that she made that really speaks the truth, although it mostly speaks the truth about guys , it does apply to some women because well its just a matter of values. Like i said its not all guys but as bitchy as this makes me sound from my experience I'm siding with Katie . Hey if a dude comes around and changes my mind then i will call bullshit on myself until then fuck off!!!! Oh and watch the video, Pretty Pleasssssssssssse

ENJOY!!!!!!!

P.S

PHILLY YOUR GOING DOWN
GO HABS GO

HA HA HA SUCKERS!!!!!

2008-04-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hello Boston.....................................WELCOME TO OBLITERATION!!!!!

Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na Hey Hey Hey Good-bye

Yeah I'm cheesy, Whatever

Hear Ye Hear Ye

2008-04-13T19:10:00.001-07:00

So kiddies i would just like to make a few things clear........well really only one thing but i do want to make it clear!!! So i got a few emails from people whom i don't know who read my blog, Surprised? I am. Anywho these peeps sent me emails asking me why I'm two steps away from putting a hit on every French person alive, And then i was all yo biatch i can hate whom ever i want. But really i don't hate all French people. I'm actually friends who some frenchies but I'm talking about a certain breed of French people. The type who make me feel like shit because WHAT???? I'm English what the fuck !!! who even speaks English anymore thats so 20th century of you. Just pompous assholes and hey I'm not really big on pompous assholes no matter what language . These people arent only of the separatists persuasion although many of them are. If you support the OLF then go fuck yourself K? Thanks!!!!

Oh P.S
DAMN YOU BOSTON BRUINS

WHAT THE FUCK

2008-04-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take it down a notch and be a little serious.So i know when people think the little ninja they don't think someone who cares about others but people are deceived, the little ninja does care just not about people who are assholes!!! So i was reading stuff on the interwebs about Africa right and i came across some shocking things that i would like to share with you. Did you know that every year Africa receives about 10 billion dollars a year in aid but they lose 14 billion dollars in debt payments that is seriously fucked up!!!! In the past year alone about 1.6 million people died from aids but hey our governments need the money so fuck them and their aids and their lives and their debt, MAKE EM PAY UP BITCHES!!!! Loan sharks use similar methods so why not right, although they go to prison for these illegal activities and they don't even usually kill people and when they do it could never even compare this kind of mortality rate!!! And really who cares if over 80 million Nigerians live on less than 1$ a day and in 2005 Nigeria payed 14 billion dollars in debt reduction, Thats not even a debt payed off assholes thats just to have it reduced.......yeah think about it.

I La-la-Love it Part 1

2008-04-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

So since i told you ladies all about the things i don't like here are a few things i love. As the Beastie boys would say Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!!

P.s soon i'll be done with the lists and back to our regular scheduled program.

1- Jonh Waters- If you’ve read any of my blog this obviously comes as a huge shock to you but I love john waters more then my non exsistant children and pony. Oh John!!!!

2- Jeffery Dahmers neighbor- she said and a quote “it always smelt like he was cooking sumthin, but it never did no groceries” BEST QUOTE EVER!!!!! For those of you who don’t get this. Jeffery Dahmer was a cannibal killer. Just thing about it. You too might find this quote comfortably amusing.

3- English- as much as I have no sense of grammer, spelling and syntax. I do love English. I may butcher this language worse then well Jeffery Dahmers would butcher your ass.

4- Law & Order: SVU opening credits- this is actually my current favorite thing ever. Come on its awesome. “In the criminal justice system sexually based offences are considered especially hanus” blah blah I don’t know the rest

5- Bucky- Oh buck-a-roo you are the bestest cat ever. Your a bad ass, a bad mama jama, Can I get an amen. Oh lord, Oh lord!!!!!

6- My Teasing Comb- Seriously I love my teasing comb so much. I would be lost, dazed and confused without it.

7- Red Lipstick- if you’ve ever met me you know this!!!

8- Leopard Print- See above

9- GBH- the band that brought you such great tunes as city baby attacked by rats, city babies revenge, sick boy, christianized cannibals, womb with a view. Come on people you have to love this stuff people.

10- Winning- I LOVE winning especially at cranium. I’ll kick your ass a board games or card games or any kind of games as long as I don’t have to run fast or be tall or bowling!!! And when I win I have a victory dance and if you want I’ll make up a song about how you lost. I’m a good person like that.

101 Reasons I Rule Part 7

2008-04-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

Oh my ladies and gents its the last part in this lovely series. i know your going to miss it. But you'll cope with it. If not there are many good building waiting to be jumped off of. I'm joking don't do that asshole. well here is it the finale of why i rule

84- Interweb Pervs AGAIN- LEAVE ME ALONE PLEEEEEEEEEASE, that goes for the N.D.G rasta men too.

85- Gangstaaaaa- dude your not cool because you keep tags on your shoes, hats, undies, condoms, shorts, pants and whatevers else. Hanging out at the metro? Not cool. T-shirts dresses? Not cool. Snoop? VERY COOL, but he’s not redeemed you yet. Walking with a limb? Not cool. Sucking your teeths? Not cool. Saying ax instead of ask? Not even a little cool. Writing in a blog? Severely uncool .

86- Cell Phone Ear Pieces- You look like a douche. Re-think it ass munch

87- Pansy Ass Mofos – I’ll cut you GOD

88- Star anything- Are you 14? No, Are you a sailor? No, Do you live in space? No, Are you oh so punk rock? No, Are you an astronomer? No, Are you a loser? FUCK YEAH!!!!!

89- Pancreatic Cancer- LEAVE THE SWAYZ ALONE!!!!! How about this . You challenge Swayze to a dance off . He wins ,He lives. He loses , you die.

90- John Waters Haters- You have no reason to be hating on him. He is perfection in the body of a 62 year old directing gay man. He will kick your face in a punch fight and then blow you. Come on, Come on, Come on!!!!

91- Corey Feldmen’s Wife- She’s messing with the two Coreys. And she ruined the season of the surreal life he was on. Suzie is a bitch. I’d kick her face in a punch fight, but I would not blow her. John Waters would not either. Corey Feldman needs to ask her for his balls back so he can continue living. Just a thought

92- Quebec- Where our goal is to keep the English man down, and take away all his rights. Drive horribly, Have shitty roads, too many festivals, And be rude to our tourist. Je me Souviens

93- Leader on-ers- Why you gotta be straight tripping boo? Quit playing games with my heart, or I’ll cut yours out.

94- Snakes- I can’t even type about how much they gross me out. So no witty explanation. Not that most of my explanations are witty. But I try ok!! Don’t be hatin

95-Crocs and Gators- Dude they’ll fuck you up. Why? Just because. You can’t run, You can’t hide. They’ll find you. Kill you. And save you for later. Think you can climb a tree and you’ll be safe? Think again mother fucker, he’ll wait for you. Think You can run away, he’ll sprint and catch your pansy ass. And the water? Not even safe.

96- Political Correctness- Cunt, piss, shit, Jew, cock, nigga, midget, indian, eskimo, whore, blind, deaf, dumb, mute, homo, dyke, white trash honky, cracker. I got nothing this one is not funny. SURPRISE. But I really do fucking hate political correctness, evne though I don’t use half of those words.

97- Dexter Season 3- Hurry up and get here. I’m get antsy.

98- Kristy In Texas- COME BAAAAAAAAAAACK !!!!! we need you. The 514 needs you I need you . Bucky needs you!!!

99- Grammar- I only hate it because I’m bad at it. Suck on my chocolate salty balls grammar!!!!

100- The Pope- he looks likes a cannibal. Which means he is a cannibal. He eats babies. He uses their skin as Vatican city monies. Which are called pope bucks aka pucks. He was a part of Hitler youth. I think he might be a pimp. I’m not even joking. Check this out. He has a GIANT pimp stick y’know his giant cane. He has a sweet ride called the popemobile, that’s totally a pimp car. His sweet suit!!! Yeh he’s a nazi cannibal pimp.

101- OLF- You steal my rights. Make a second class citizen. Make my life a living hell. Prevent me from doing almost anything. FUCK YOU EAT A BAG OF DICKS!!!!

Ain't Nuthin To Fuck With

2008-03-25T00:38:00.000-07:00

OK so Me + Wu Tang= HOLY SHITE!!! Yeah they're coming to town bitches. APRIL 21ST!!!!!!
I'M SO EXCITED................LIKE JOHN WATERS IS COMING TO TOWN EXCITED!!!!!! but here comes the news that might make lil ninja cry. I think the tickets are sold out. This is end of the world type sadness. Bad enough there is no more Ol'Dirty Bastard but now i get no Wu Tang. I need my Wu Tang bitch. I'll be jonesing for my Wu Tang fix . I'll cut you for your tickets. Watch you back, i'll be lurking corners and alley ways. Watch it.

PEACE

101 Reasons I Rule Part 6

2008-03-18T00:30:00.000-07:00

HOLY CRAP its another instalation of 101 reasons i rule aka lets read about lyndsey complain. Who does not love that? really who?

71. Nicolas Cage- This ones for you Alex, Hate your heart out sweet thang

72. Scrunchies- Hello 1994 you look so sexy in your brightly colored scrunchie. 1994 the days when it was oh so normal for you and your boyfriend to share scrunchies . Oh 1994 break me off a piece of that.

73. Kitten Shirts- I could be severely mean and oh so not politically correct but I’m stopping myself. All im going to say is Grannies need only apply.

74. Censorship- FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT

75. Steven Harper- He looks like he touches babies and toddlers but school kids is so 4 years ago.

76. Cute- Only puppies and babies should be called cute so eat a bag of dicks………… k thanks

77. Cegep- I kind of wish we has grade 12. Instead of this piece of shit.

78. Bruce Springsteen - Again do I really have to justifiy this one? Come on, come on!!!!!

79. Children’s T.V- The wiggles are severely creepy to me, 4 or 5 men in their 20’s chillin out with kids all day. What is that bogusness??? Like for real dudes, who does this shit?? It’s creepy and really weird. Also the blues clues duder I’m sure he’s like retarded or something.

80- Playa Haters- Don’t hate on the playas hate their hoes.

81- The Police- I’m not talking about the band here boys and gals!!! I’m talking about the real thing. To quote my dear friends N.W.A FUCK THA POLICE

82- Escalator Stoppers- STICK TO YOUR SIDES ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!! There are two sides the walking side and the side I’m usually on “the lazy ass take me up the stairs without walking side”. Pick a side douche bag.

83- Metro Assholes- Those people who run for the metro and get stuck in the doors and then the metro stops for like 12 hours. Or those people who get in the metro cart when it’s so full your spooning with a stranger and not even an attractive stranger.

101 Reason I Rule Part 5

2008-03-11T15:41:00.001-07:00

I know this is probably getting old and un-funnier but whateves. Welcome to part 5 . Enjoy your stay in part 5 of "101 Reasons I Rule". Good day.

56. Fringe Vest- Are you a cowboy? A biker? No…….Then you probably shouldn’t be wearing them. K Thanks?

57. White Nail Polish- Looks like you’re wearing white out on your nails. It’s gross . Although you don’t see many none old rich biatches.

58. Cyclists- I’ve already ranted about them but FUCK OFF!!!! There are bike paths and laws about driving on the sidewalk for reasons assholes!!!

59. Berkinstocks- Jesus need only apply

60. Pickled Eggs- EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

61. Public Washrooms- EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

62. Arnold Schwarzenegger – He is a bad governor, a bad actor and uhm I don’t know if any of you have noticed this but he has no neck. If my mom taught me one this is was “Never trust a man with no neck”. Plus he is kind of a stalker, He’s always all “Oh I’ll be back” . Oh on you won’t biatch.

63. Gangsta T-shirt Dresses- I always want to put a belt in the middle of their giant t-shirts and then BAM a mo’fuckin dress. In these sexay dresses they can do many things like go to prom, go to cocktail parties, be hookers, and all kinds of other sexy things.

64. Canadian Geese- They vicious mother fucks.

65. White Out- It doesn’t even work. . Well I suppose it does work being that it does white out your mistakes. But then it gets all bumpy and you have ot wait 12 years before you can write anything and it looks gross . I’d rather people just scratch out their mistakes looks more real.

66. Over Analyzing- FUCK OFF DOUCH-ARAM

67. Sybolism – Seriously ass munches say what you mean and mean what you say. I’m down with metaphors but symbolism ugh I hate it!!! And a symbolism just feeds those god damn over analyzers fuck that.

68. Toner Abusers-

69. Tent Dresses- Keep your moo moos to yourself. They are not attractive. I know your trying to rock the 60’s look which hellz yeh is super cool . But hellz no tent dresses are for Twiggy only. Think about and ask yourself What would Snoop do? That has nothing to do with tent dresses but I felt like writing it. And this is my blog and I can say what I want so suck it.

70- Bilingualism – It’s a joke in quebec. It’s only bilingual if you’re French. if your English you can suck on a pair of balls . This place keeps English peeps down. I can’t even make this one a little funny because it really pisses me off.

101 Reasons Why I Rule Parts 3&4

2008-03-06T13:28:00.000-08:00

Heres a double feature for you. Two for the price of one. A double whammy. Ladies and gentlemen please gather here.

31. Chewing With Your Mouth Open- Learn some manner. If you’ve just eaten sea food I don’t want to see it as a sea food medley. Keep your foods in your mouth fool.

32. Wolf Memorabilia- Your a snappy dresser with your wolf shirt. Your wolf statue Good Golly Miss Molly that makes you cool. And the wolf tattoo JESUSSSS women must jump you.

33. Dora – Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! Fuck you Dora and boots. I will fight you and steal your soul.

34. Diego- go bone Dora.

35. Pink Obsession- OMG I like love pink. Like everything I own has to like be pink. I like pink so much I only shop at the store pink, And I only listen to like Pink. She’s like so cool. Seriously your not 5 years old anymore. Pink should not be the biggest thing in your life and your not a fucking princess.

36. Paris Hilton- Your rich leave the world alone keep your twat to yourself and your sex tapes, and your perfume, and your singing, and your acting. PLEASE!!!!

37. Anorexic Bitches- Eats a Sandwich

38. Bros – I'm talking about those uber "Italian" bros. They can all smoke a poll.

39. Hoes – Keep in your pants lady. No need to put out for everyone and their grandpa.

40. Squirrels- They are vicious and I have the scars to prove it. Makes coats out of them. They’re not as cute as they seem. Damn you Westmont park.

41. A&E Today- What happened to you a&e? We used to be friends. You had such hits as City Confidential, Cold Case Files, American Justice, and Serial Killer Biographies. WHAT HAPPENED????? Now you have such crap as CSI: Miami, Gene Simmons family jewels, Intervention, The Two Coreys, and many other lovely gems.

42. Velvet- I’m not a Vegas show star nor is this the 90’s and I’m not a fucking wizard, so really why wear velvet. I refuse to wear velvet. Black Velvet? Blue Velvet? NEVER

43. WWE- I can’t wrap my head around wrestling. Atleast not WWE wrestling. It seems so homo erotic to me. Especially since they try and make it seem so manly. Sweaty men in spandex getting a little too close…….i don’t know.

44. Church Smell- It creeps me out. Smells like death, deception with a little dash of molestation.

45. Ceramic Knick-Knacks- These are reserved for old ladies only. But not the super cool 8 husbands old ladies or the cat ladies. Just boring ass old ladies. They’re pointless dust collectors.

46. Nessie Doubters- NESSIE LIVES BITCHES. I’LL FIGHT YOU!!!!

47. Obsessively Green People – I know we should all do our part to save the world blah blah blah. I’ve known this forever. So get out of my face biatch, before I knock your teeth out. K Thank?

48. Popsicle Sticks- Seriously the thought of someone biting a Popsicle stick grosses me out so much. I get grossed out anything I think about it. I know its not as bad as I think it is but it still grosses me out to the high length you can possible imagine.

49. Spaghetti Sauce When Sick- Spaghetti sauce commercials when I’m sick are the second most gross thing to me I can’t deal with that makes me want to vom my face off.

50. French Music- I know I should more exceptive of French culture living in Quebec and all. But I can’t. I don’t understand what they’re saying , For all I know they could be all “Hey ,Hey Kill The English Man, That’s What I Say” and I’m obviously not down with killing the English man or woman.

51. Lobster Eaters- Fish are friends not food duders. Cows on the other hand totally not friends neither are chickens.

52. Sock and Sandals- If its cold enough for socks you should not be wearing sandals. I actually just hate sandals. Especially for dudes. It’s so disgusting to me.

53. Sun- Me and Mister Sun we’re not so much best buds. The sun kind of hates my guts. I get sun burns like its nobodies business.

54. Crocs- SO UGLY!!!!!

55. White Pants- I have no legit reason for hating white pants . Except for the fact that they are white pants. They are ugly, get dirty so fast and are gross. Are you a Droog? I’m pretty sure your not , so uhm lose the white pants.

101 Reasons Why I Rule - Part 2

2008-02-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

Are you dudes ready for the things that annoy the shit out of me part 2. Even if your not here it is. Enjoy Assholes

16. The Canadian Tire Dude – Fuck him he’s a greedy bastard and I hate him. I know he’s not a real person and is no longer the Canadian Tire dude but still fuck him!!!

17. Metro Hanger Outers – I know I’m blogging so clearly my life is filled with excitement, but I have more of a life then people who hang at the metro unless of course they’re drug dealers, which most of them are . But its still un-cool, hang out in parks and drink 40’s like back in the day assholes!!!

18. NDG Rasta Men – If your not from NDG aka the Dirty Deeg or if you don’t know me you probably don’t understand this. I know I have a big ass but that no excuse to follow me home your bike and ask me to smoke your pole. Does this work often? I think not. Also just because you see me walk by does not mean you can claim me as your wife. IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!!!! WHERES MY RING BITCH?? HUH? HUH?

19. Seasonal Candy – Why can’t I have Eggies all year round?

20. Reality TV – Just because you’re a washed up celebrity doesn’t mean I care about when or how you eat, screw or shit. Unless you’re Flavor Flaveeeeeeee I don’t want to see you try and find love or any of that shit. Do us all a favor and enjoy your time on the d-list and don’t share it with us!!!!

21. Internet Weirdos – Most of you know what I’m talking about …….. I hope so anyways. Random interweb weirdos who message you and are all hey wanna check out my wang and then you’re all Ewwwww!!! I don’t even wanna see your wang a little bit not even a little.

22. Metro Cop Nazis – just because you have to work for the stm don’t make our lives a living hell. And don’t make 11 year old kids pay full fair because they don’t have their stupid metro cards, fuck!!! You only get those in high school, which an 11 year old kid is not in. Eat a bag of dicks.

23. STM Employees – Did someone shit in all of their corn flakes. Did you kick their puppies and sit on their babies? I know I’m kind of always angry and just a little jaded and my blog seems to of been getting the worst of that. But for realz when I think someone is mean as I do with the STM employees something is seriously wrong. I defend Charles Manson for Christ sake. If I think you’re an asshole like really and truly something is wrong.

24. American Apparel - Their Ads alone annoy the shit out of me. They’re so trendy its sickening AMERICAN APPAREL IS EVERYWHERE!!! They’re clothes look like every fashion faux pas from the 80’s and then some. It’s horrible and makes me want to vomit.

25. Avon Deadbeats - FUCK YOU PAY YOUR BILLS BITCHES….I’LL CUT YOU

26. Weather Retards – If you’ve lived in Montreal for longer then a month you should know its safe to say the weather man is damn dirty liar. Also just because it happens to be -3 for a few days does not mean winter is over. Stop trying to fool yourself and lying to the others around you. Look around you it’s Montreal expect a few more snow storms at least one more. The snow is here until at least the first week of April. Suck it up stop being delusional. You can call it wishful thinking, I call you a retard.

27. The Mall – They are filled with High School Kids , Random Stoppers, Baby doll Shirts & Perfume Abusers. It also has chain stores, bad music, and they are always over crowded.

28. Unattended Children – I understand shopping with kids is hard, as is finding a babysitter. But watch your kids. We the people did not take on the responsibility of parenting this kid you did asshole so fucking watch him or her.

29. Babies at the Movies - Keep your babies at home, unless it’s a children’s movie. Which I never go see. So this obviously would not annoy me if some retards are all hey yeh lets take our baby to go see Pink Flamingos , and then I’m shyeh keep your babies at home they don’t enjoy John Waters classics and chicken sex scenes.

30.Lack of Dental Floss – I love flossing…….I’ve run out. I’m twitching. I need it.

101 Reasons Why I Rule Part 1

2008-02-19T00:15:00.000-08:00

I've been reading Crackpot written by well worlds greatest human ever, The man, The Legend John Waters. In Crackpot John Waters had a list on 101 things he hates, Well its not really a list it a chapter and its not written in list form. It's written like a story which is amazing. As to not entirely rip off John Waters I'm going to make mine in the form of a list .So here it is a list of 101 things i hate. 101 reason why I'm bitter. 101 reason why I'm such a bad person. 101 reasons why I'm a bitch.101 reason why i rule...........Drum Roll Please

Tom Cruise – Do I really need to explain
High School kids – I have one word for you Obnoxious
The Telephone – I don’t care about your day, or what you’re doing, or what your kids or dog or spouse or your plant is doing, so don’t call me to tell me. And leave all your other small talk bullshit for someone else.
Heavy Breathers – This is creep don’t do it!!! You sound like a sex offender when you do this especially on the phone. So if you’re a heavy breather don’t call me
Random Stoppers – those assholes who when your walking, walking, walking, la,la,la and then BAM the mofo stops out of nowhere right in the middle of the sidewalk or the mall to do something stupid that obviously couldn’t wait like talk to their friends they just “oh my god haven’t seen in so long” again like I give a shit.
Ice- Hello bruised ass.
Babydoll Shirts- Seriously is it your goal in life to look knocked up if your not? Because that’s all these shits do for you no matter how skinny you are.
Underage Straight Edge Kid – Your underage asshole you pretty much legally have to be straight edge. You’re not cool. Being straight edge hasn’t been cool since Minor Threat did it……. And then still not that cool
Perfume Abusers – Just like Advil when it comes to perfume one is often enough. I’m not talking bottles here we’re talking squirts people. No need to make my nose cry because you can’t shower like the rest of us.
Sylvester Stallone – He thinks he’s more hardcore then Chuck Norris meets G.G Allin but really he’s less hardcore then Plastic Patrick meets the Backyardigans.
Facebook Applications – Enough said really
Taxi Drivers – They drive like maniacs, and are really creepy.
CSI: Miami - It’s always on TV and it’s a shitty unrealistic show. And fucking David Caruso stupid lines fuck that noise.
Catcher in The Rye – Over rated, Over analyzed & over hyped !!! Fuck you Holden you’re a Phony.!!!
Toilet Paper Placement – When the toilet paper is over it really irks me.

You're Fighting For Your Life Inside A Killer.......THRILLER

2008-02-13T23:22:00.000-08:00

So here it is people I AM DETERMINED TO LEARN THE THRILLER DANCE.No jokes here peeps. i will master the thriller dance. One day I'll be chillin with Michael Jackson and he'll be like "I bet you can't do the thriller dance" and then i'll be all "Oh no you didn't Michael" and then I'll bust a move and be WAY BETTER at it then him, which will obviously make him cry. I will be victorious and M.J will cry in his Wheaties. This all goes down in the kitchen which is why he is eating Wheaties. Does anyone even eat Wheaties anymore? Do they still make Wheaties? I think they still do. Lets face it though folks he's Michael Jackson even if Wheaties didn't exist anymore he could still get Wheaties, therefore i can still make Michael cry in his Wheaties so suck it. Can't you just picture it now, Me busting a move, Michael crying, Tiger Woods on the Wheaties box its pretty much a party in the kitchen. I'm sorry to inform you but you won't be invited but i will be sure to give you a play by play.Plus it will obviously be on entertainment tonight. Really though guys one day i will master the thriller dance.I'm practicing right now. Watch out Michael Jackson. The Ninja is here you best fear mo'fucka!!!! I'm off to practice my moves.............................PEACE
P.s
Now you too can bust a move .C-C-C-Check it Out

Confession of A Dangerous Mind

2008-02-07T22:14:00.000-08:00

Eat it up bitches. I'm going to fess up to something that even one of my best friends just found out about me. I know your probably thinking what could it be something so significant she is well your probably thinking she's because I know you guys think in contractions. Back to what I was say what could be so significant that I'm dedicating a whole blog entry to it. Clearly only terribly significant things merit a blog entry correct? The answer to that question is negatory. Although when I told said best friends this so called secret she acted like it was well kind of a big deal like a horse sitting on a bar stool playing ping pong kind of big deal. Well I might as well get to this "Big Deal". The confession is your friends neighborhood Spiderman (i.e. me) well I can't ride a bike. This is true!! No more pretending to understand the saying "Hey It's Just like Riding a Bike”. Because uhm I don't get that saying guys Hello I can't ride a bike. So stop it please. The upside to me not riding a bike I will never be one of those assholes. Those assholes who when they're downtown on they're Oh so nifty bicycles decide it's a good idea to ride on the sidewalks. That’s shit even pisses me off when it’s not downtown. Seriously FUCK OFF get on the street or find a fucking bike path!!!! And have you ever been in a park and there are two paved paths, one path is the bike path and the other is probably a bike path too but in Westmont park people walk on the other one. Well anyways have you ever been accidentally walking on the bike path and when it’s me it’s not accidentally because i'm an asshole those bike bitches have a shit fit. Shit it’s the fan you'd think you where kicking they're puppy. Nope just walking on the wrong path well then stop driving your bikes on the sidewalk and I’ll stop using your bike path as a sidewalk. I know absolutely now logic there but I hate cyclists who think they own the world they can suck on my chocolate salty balls........of chef you kill me!!!

Shes Got Me Spending

2008-02-01T23:18:00.001-08:00

Hey Bitches
so I'm going to get all self centered here because well i want to. I'm going to show you guys a little sumthin, sumthin that I've got!!! I'm not too sure why i keep writing this in the form of a letter but it just came out this way so I'm going to roll with it....good idea? i think so!!! I modeled for George who so far anyone who is reading this blog so far knows so I'm not going to pretend to be cool and act like people i don't actually know are creeping around here because uhm DUH!!! i know you all.....looks like I'm the creep!!! Whatever. Anyways back to what i was saying i modeled for George. When what seems like the beginning of time was actually just in November. I've gotten a few pictures back and I'm going to show them off because well because i want too!!! take that bitches. How ya like them apples? huh?huh?huh?.......thats what i thought!!!

Now whatever I'm not looking for you dudes to be all oh my goodness you look so good!! or oh hey you look like a garbage pale. Either way whatever you think I'm just showing them off because I've never really done anything like this so you know...... check it out. Anytime I say or even write check it out I get that "My Humps" song stuck in my head. From that part in the song where Fergie is all " My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)"
That stupid song gets stuck in my head for days at a time. Pisses me off stupid song that i hate to love but whatever. On the subject of the Black Eyed Peas , What the fuck happened to them they used to write songs with meaning and now it all My humps and Lets get busy or some shit like that I'm not entirely sure about that last one don't quote me on it or anything. I was just paraphrasing. So this was my “Oh hey I’m all over the places post" which wasn't too all over the place.......just a little bit. Trust me I’ll get more all over the place as I keep rocking out the posts don't you fret my pets!!!
PEACE OUT
Lyndsey

You Know Where I'd Take The Cake??

2008-01-29T22:21:00.000-08:00

Ok seriously George Carlin is a GENIOUS!!!!!
He is amazing. His stand-up is pretty much me. If you get George Carlin's stand-up and like it you kind of rock. So I’m going to be all lame and shit be all oh my god this quote like totally defines me, but for real this really does describe me........are you ready for it? Get ready bitches.......here it comes "I don't have Pet Peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds"!!!!!! If you know me you know this is true!!!! I don't just get a little but angry about things I fucking hate them in a huge way!!! I can't even explain why, things just get on my nerves and then i want to kick some fucking head in. Doesn't take much either.....you should maybe watch it, I'm just saying is all. So this is my new bog. Think about it, sit on it, try it out for size, see how you fucking like it asshole. So I’m going to leave you with a few George Carlin quotes because really I’m incompetent and I don't know how to post a video so here goes!!!

"My god has a bigger dick then your god"
"You know where I’d take the cake? To the bakery to see the other cakes"
"you smell like an anchovies cunt"
" Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!"
"So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family."
“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!"
"And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles."
"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."

Seriously you can't argue with this shit!!!!

Good Morning Vietnam!!!!!!!

2008-01-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

OK OK so the title kinda lies!!! it's not quite Vietnam and its not the morning. But this is my first blog entry ever people!!! I know , i know lying is a great way to start off your first blog entry ever but suck it people really do it, I dare you......not that i actually think anyone will read this but hey it's possible right? right? Who am i kidding !!! Well let me introduce myself. My name is Lyndsey Elizabeth Oh My God huge shocker there right!! who would of guessed that?? I'm 20 , I live in Montreal and i love the city hate the french but more to come on that later really trust me. Lets see what else I'm short, i love to read, I'm in love with John Waters and if you don't know who he is well you best find out sista!!! (or brotha). He's amazing!!! I love Punk Rock, Psychobilly, Rockabilly, Old School Hip Hop, Surf, Oi, 80's Hardcore and so much other scrumptious musics!!! I'm a pretty big music fan..... I'm short tempered, very sarcastic.... so if you don't like angry sarcastic ranting this probably isn't the place for you!!! I'm done now
Check Please!!!!