BROMANCE

So im chilling in out watching shitty music videos this morning, The music video Hot & Cold by Katy Perry comes on and im grooving to the jam because you know what its a catchy little diddy, don't make fun of me. So if you've never seen the video i'lll paint you a pretty picture. A church right? A bride Katy Perry with a funkin sweet vail thingy and a sex bomb dress and in the other corner we have thats right ladies and gents a groom some dude i think his name was Alexander like the Great or Ovechkin. So they're all do you take this man to be your husband and shes all I do, Then the spot light moves on over to Alexander and they ask him and he gets sweaty poms and look very weary of this whole situation ( not that i cna blame him) and guess what??? He frekin bolts out there like a bat out of mo'fuckin hell. Then Katy Perry chases after him as a crazy psycho delirious bride. Desperate you say? Thats what i thought at first too then my dears i put some more thought into it and look at it this was you will. A giant church, The usual over priced set up but this time the one who looks weary is the bride, She drops her flowers, bolts out of church and starts to run, Following not far behind her is the dashingly handsome rich man she was going to marry and he chases after her and professes his love for her. Romantic you say? No dice. Although i did paint these pictures to be different scenarios they are pretty much what most people automatically think. I am guilty of thinking of things in this double standard and i wanna say blame the media, blame mens and their strange fear of commitment which i am also guilty of, But really there is a complete and total well i dont want to say double standard, I would say its more so they way men and women are wired differently. What a female would think is romantic a guy would think is crazy, psycho desperate. Since these are the gender roles when it comes to these things, That is just how it is. Chase after your husband.......Desperate. Chase after your wife.........Romantic
EWWWWWW ROMANCE

Russian of The Month Part 2

Ok so as promised you guys are getting a Russian of the month. Yes he's a hockey player. No he's not a Canadien, he doesn't even live in Canada BAHA, OK that wasn't even a little funny, like not at all, anyways so since you've been so patient and the Canadiens are playing so shitty, i decided to seek sanctuary in a nicer kinder place, the Ottawa Washington game, since I'm slightly obsessed with the stats for the whole league, i want Washington to LOSE, LOSE LIKE LOSERS!!! I really only feel that way because of the stats, i actually like the Capitals more then the Senators. So my Russian of the month is SERGEI FEDOROV. BOOM!



So i like pictures of Russians Pointing, So what. Highest scoring Russian born player ever, that's right boys and girls ever. This Pskov born 39 year old, is the bomb. Standing 6'2 weighing in a 206 pounds. He's dated many hot bitchez, well "hot bitches". He shoots with his left he's a center and a sexy. Born in Pskov in 1969 his mother Mama Fedorov birthed this fine piece of amazing hockey playing ass i mean hockey playing man, yes man. so much man. WOOO!!!! He is active in charities around Michigan and Russian FACT!

He's a super Hero FACT!! Well...He provided a children's hospital in Moscow with a dialysis machine which in turn saved lives which pretty much makes him a super hero

He Excels on the ice and off, If you know what I'm saying FACT Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid he hit that and now he might have Vd from the latter but you take that rish when you have sex with skanky womens even when they look as good as though two do.

He's won 3 Cups FACT! all 3 with Detroit in 1997, 1998 and 2002

He makes $4,000,000, He loves music, golf, travel, tennis boating and boning

He is Russian of The Month
one of many Russians of my wet dreams.

EPIC QUOTE-A-RAMA

So i kinda fail at blogging, i don't do it often enough but i've kinda been busy lately with not sleeping, not eating, getting legit death threats from family, watching hockey, losing Lilly to Memphis for like 2 weeks, feeling too awkward to see Christine but then we were reunited and it did feel so good, makin bows all kinda fun stuffs.

so since the year is over I'd like to throw out two of my favorite quotes of the year, maybe its kinda cocky of me to do this and once you hear the quotes you'll love punderfullness of me calling that cocky.

so remember when i had that lovely run in with that lovely band that opened for gbh, then i went from foufs to katacombs to a sexy alley way in china town and stuff happened and like 3 Asian dudes on a "smoke break" watched. pretty sexy right, well this is where quote number one comes along. I'm wiping my mouth while we walk and i utter these words "so, you get alot of ass on tour?" cause i like to make things awkward for dudes after we have fun in Chinatown, that happening even brought us the "You know what happens in Chinatown"

Next on this happened all in that same night way later on at the after partay, im in a van with a dude who happens to be in the same band as boy number one, so things start to happen he takes out his wang, i look at him, i look at the wang, i pause and i open my mouth but the wang does not go in, these words come out " I'm sorry i can't do this, i just blew your drummer' BAM AWKWARD TOWN, then we went to boner town so it was ok. this second "slip up" brought us another little gem and a book i intend to write called "How to S and Esse by Ninja Ninjaroni"

YAY for over share woohoo

Things I'm Good At

Lately the only damn thing i'm good at is being sick, for serious. I'm ready to punch all daycare children that enter my house. I have been sick for a good 4 weeks now.I've missed a ton of things except hockey because if i pay money for something there is no way im skipping on it, not my styles yo. Today i am currently exceptionally amazing at throwing up its been a talent of mine for that last 24 hours and not in the epicly amazing way the Elie sisters can all do this, in the way a gross sick person does it, Its way less hot.

RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH

NOTE: I'm a dirty rotten post recycler

I has a new blawg y'all. it's a joined blawg with Miss Lilly aka my BFF yo. Even BFFL.

http://habutantes.blogspot.com/

and i started a new installment russian of the month. fuck i love russian. Me and Russians we'd mate like Lions hells yeah.

So if you've read our little mini bios over on the side you will know that i Lyndsey Elizabeth love, love, loves them damn Russians. Well i love all Eastern Europeans but Russian of the month sounds better and since they dominate the NHL it won't be too hard to have a new Russian of the month and you know damn right when i start to run out I'll just change it tp eastern European of the month......why? because i can, its my blog not yours na,na,na,na,na,na!!!!!

So here we go the first installment of the Russian of the month club. If you have ideas, comment, or want a membership please email me for the rule regulations and cost of being a part of this sexy sexy fan club, these sexay things don't come cheap. Like hookers, or women.......same difference really though. BAHAHAHAH.

ALEXEI KOVALEV

Standing 6'1 and weighing in at 215. This loveable little guy was born in Togliatti, Russia.
Born on Feb 24, 1973, He's a beautiful 35 years young. Now he ranks number 94 in scoring in the NHL and although that is not as magical of a number as oh say B.J Laraques who is currently at number 680, Kovi is still a fan fav. Its time for fun facts about Kovi If you've ever sat down on your couch and wondered "What the heck is Alexei Kovalevs favorite smell?" well don't fear i am here to tell you that he loves the smell of kabobs on the Barbeque, His favorite concert you ask why that's easy Depeche Mode which is all of this mocking is a funking awesome band, Now Ladies he makes $4,500,000 a season and thinks jewellery, Yes jewellery is the way to a women's heart........what a catch. For all of these lovely reason and because he's I figure my first Russian of the month should of played for the Habs and should of been well actually Russian, That's why Alexei is Fan Fav RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH.

My American Idols

Move over Clay Aiken, Watch out Kelly Clarkson, Get the fuck out of their way Rubin St-St-St-Studdard, bahahaha see what i did there his last name is studdard which sounds like studder. Well at least i make myself laugh.Anyways my American idols are ladies and gents drum roll please..............................................................................
......................................... That's right you guessed American idol number one John Mo'Fuckin Waters. He is god, hes Jesus. He is sweet baby Jesus, but in a sexy tacky, very gay way. Which is the best way to be Jesus...Hells yeah. He is a genius and he hates so many things but is so funny about it and i one day too hope to be as hostilely funny as john waters. He's uplifting and inspirational and charismatic and*insert tear here* Glory Hallelujah Praise the lord and stuff !!!

how can you resist a face like that, he is only the greatest gay man to ever live. Seriously all films aside he is the awsomest. And the only person to ever get me star struck. His writing is amazing just amazing if you haven't read his books ask me to lend them to you because he's hilarious, like woah for serious i love him more then i love snoop, yeah that's right and y'all know how much i love that gangsta ass mother fucker, i think its his hair bobbles and sweet pony tail braids, and y'know his tight beats and bad ass rhymes. Back to John Waters fools!!! He is the pope of trash but a little more cannibalistic then the actual pope cause for serious Ratzinger is a total cannibal.

I could go on about my pure love for John waters all day but ill save you, Next order of business

My other absolutely amazing American idol is HUNTER S THOMPSON,

oh yes ladies and gents mister Gonzo journalism himself, mister fear & loathing, rum diary, curse of lono, hells angels, the great shark hunt, better then sex, rolling stone writing amazingly awesomely, bad ass mother fucker, in my calling him a mother fucker i would totally be OK with him fucking me mother even though he's dead. Hunter S as i like to call him is the greatest writer of all time and in all of his fucked upness he still managed to have a career well I'm not sure you can necessarily call it a career per se but he did get a PhD which in actually reality give me hope that if a bad ass mother fucked like Hunter S can get one maybe a no so Bad Ass father fucker like me( cause i don't fuck moms cause I'm not a huge dykie lesbian so i do dads not moms) back to my sentence not only as i a not bad ass father fucker I'm also a slacker, but he was always strung out. I would strongly suggest reading everything he has written, go to you're library, go to your local book store preferably a used book store cause they're way better and i like my books the same way i like my mens previously loved no virgins for me thanks. If you're unsure of whats good to read well ask a ninja aka me. This post took way too long to write and I'm not sure why but I'm liking the use of pictures in my blog. I will write again soon kiddies for now comment you motha fuckas i like feedback

What The Puck?

Dear Montreal Canadiens

I have a few comments of note for you, I'm not saying you gotta take them I'm just saying they might help you out.I'll add pictures for the dumber ones or just the ones whose first language isn't English aka everyone but Higgy, Komi,Kostopoulos,O'byrne and Carey aka the virgin mother Carey Price.

Most of you know that you're on ice, for those of you who don't know I'm looking at you Lapierre, its not much much like asphalt or dirt, its a little more slippery. I'm gonna display a photo of what the ice you'll be on looks like, pay close attention
Next order of business Skates, you use these bad boys on the ice to get around and not fall on your ass, I'm still looking at you Lapierre. Just y'know skate with these damn skates ok so this part needs working on but you get the point. Lapierre can't skate. For reference these are skates



Look at this right here, this is a puck get to know it very well, its one of you're best friends.

Guess what??

You're going to put the puck it in one of these things right down there in that picture, It's called a net. just y'know don't put it in the net of the guy wearing the same shirt as you or else Chuck Norris will come and steal your soul .see that right below this sentence it's a net, say it with me boys n-e-t.

OK so now that we covered ice, skates, pucks and nets we're gonna talk about you're number one tool on the ice other then you're body it's called a hockey stick, you use this handy dandy little thing well unless your Chara and then its a handy dandy giant thing but anyways you use a hockey stick to put the puck in the net. now I'm gonna show you a hockey stick since you guys done seem to know what they are cause you keep fuckin loosing them so here goes i behold sweet boys the hockey stick

Ok boys now that we have the basics of hockey oh yeah i forgot to tell you, that's the game you guys are supposed to be playing HOCKEY, rather then oh i don't know standing on the ice playing school yard games like red rover.

We have the basics down of what you need to be doing on the damn ice.Ice, Skates, hockey stick, puck, net. Use the hockey stick to put the puck in the net. should look like this

I realise getting the puck in the net is well hard for you, like harder then a teenage boy watching porn for the first time, but uhm listen just try it out for size. Well i hope sarcastic hockey tips with Lyndsey Elizabeth Has been as good for you as it has for me..........until next time aka you're next fuck up.