RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH

NOTE: I'm a dirty rotten post recycler

I has a new blawg y'all. it's a joined blawg with Miss Lilly aka my BFF yo. Even BFFL.

http://habutantes.blogspot.com/

and i started a new installment russian of the month. fuck i love russian. Me and Russians we'd mate like Lions hells yeah.

So if you've read our little mini bios over on the side you will know that i Lyndsey Elizabeth love, love, loves them damn Russians. Well i love all Eastern Europeans but Russian of the month sounds better and since they dominate the NHL it won't be too hard to have a new Russian of the month and you know damn right when i start to run out I'll just change it tp eastern European of the month......why? because i can, its my blog not yours na,na,na,na,na,na!!!!!

So here we go the first installment of the Russian of the month club. If you have ideas, comment, or want a membership please email me for the rule regulations and cost of being a part of this sexy sexy fan club, these sexay things don't come cheap. Like hookers, or women.......same difference really though. BAHAHAHAH.

ALEXEI KOVALEV

Standing 6'1 and weighing in at 215. This loveable little guy was born in Togliatti, Russia.
Born on Feb 24, 1973, He's a beautiful 35 years young. Now he ranks number 94 in scoring in the NHL and although that is not as magical of a number as oh say B.J Laraques who is currently at number 680, Kovi is still a fan fav. Its time for fun facts about Kovi If you've ever sat down on your couch and wondered "What the heck is Alexei Kovalevs favorite smell?" well don't fear i am here to tell you that he loves the smell of kabobs on the Barbeque, His favorite concert you ask why that's easy Depeche Mode which is all of this mocking is a funking awesome band, Now Ladies he makes $4,500,000 a season and thinks jewellery, Yes jewellery is the way to a women's heart........what a catch. For all of these lovely reason and because he's I figure my first Russian of the month should of played for the Habs and should of been well actually Russian, That's why Alexei is Fan Fav RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH.

My American Idols

Move over Clay Aiken, Watch out Kelly Clarkson, Get the fuck out of their way Rubin St-St-St-Studdard, bahahaha see what i did there his last name is studdard which sounds like studder. Well at least i make myself laugh.Anyways my American idols are ladies and gents drum roll please..............................................................................
......................................... That's right you guessed American idol number one John Mo'Fuckin Waters. He is god, hes Jesus. He is sweet baby Jesus, but in a sexy tacky, very gay way. Which is the best way to be Jesus...Hells yeah. He is a genius and he hates so many things but is so funny about it and i one day too hope to be as hostilely funny as john waters. He's uplifting and inspirational and charismatic and*insert tear here* Glory Hallelujah Praise the lord and stuff !!!

how can you resist a face like that, he is only the greatest gay man to ever live. Seriously all films aside he is the awsomest. And the only person to ever get me star struck. His writing is amazing just amazing if you haven't read his books ask me to lend them to you because he's hilarious, like woah for serious i love him more then i love snoop, yeah that's right and y'all know how much i love that gangsta ass mother fucker, i think its his hair bobbles and sweet pony tail braids, and y'know his tight beats and bad ass rhymes. Back to John Waters fools!!! He is the pope of trash but a little more cannibalistic then the actual pope cause for serious Ratzinger is a total cannibal.

I could go on about my pure love for John waters all day but ill save you, Next order of business

My other absolutely amazing American idol is HUNTER S THOMPSON,

oh yes ladies and gents mister Gonzo journalism himself, mister fear & loathing, rum diary, curse of lono, hells angels, the great shark hunt, better then sex, rolling stone writing amazingly awesomely, bad ass mother fucker, in my calling him a mother fucker i would totally be OK with him fucking me mother even though he's dead. Hunter S as i like to call him is the greatest writer of all time and in all of his fucked upness he still managed to have a career well I'm not sure you can necessarily call it a career per se but he did get a PhD which in actually reality give me hope that if a bad ass mother fucked like Hunter S can get one maybe a no so Bad Ass father fucker like me( cause i don't fuck moms cause I'm not a huge dykie lesbian so i do dads not moms) back to my sentence not only as i a not bad ass father fucker I'm also a slacker, but he was always strung out. I would strongly suggest reading everything he has written, go to you're library, go to your local book store preferably a used book store cause they're way better and i like my books the same way i like my mens previously loved no virgins for me thanks. If you're unsure of whats good to read well ask a ninja aka me. This post took way too long to write and I'm not sure why but I'm liking the use of pictures in my blog. I will write again soon kiddies for now comment you motha fuckas i like feedback

What The Puck?

Dear Montreal Canadiens

I have a few comments of note for you, I'm not saying you gotta take them I'm just saying they might help you out.I'll add pictures for the dumber ones or just the ones whose first language isn't English aka everyone but Higgy, Komi,Kostopoulos,O'byrne and Carey aka the virgin mother Carey Price.

Most of you know that you're on ice, for those of you who don't know I'm looking at you Lapierre, its not much much like asphalt or dirt, its a little more slippery. I'm gonna display a photo of what the ice you'll be on looks like, pay close attention
Next order of business Skates, you use these bad boys on the ice to get around and not fall on your ass, I'm still looking at you Lapierre. Just y'know skate with these damn skates ok so this part needs working on but you get the point. Lapierre can't skate. For reference these are skates



Look at this right here, this is a puck get to know it very well, its one of you're best friends.

Guess what??

You're going to put the puck it in one of these things right down there in that picture, It's called a net. just y'know don't put it in the net of the guy wearing the same shirt as you or else Chuck Norris will come and steal your soul .see that right below this sentence it's a net, say it with me boys n-e-t.

OK so now that we covered ice, skates, pucks and nets we're gonna talk about you're number one tool on the ice other then you're body it's called a hockey stick, you use this handy dandy little thing well unless your Chara and then its a handy dandy giant thing but anyways you use a hockey stick to put the puck in the net. now I'm gonna show you a hockey stick since you guys done seem to know what they are cause you keep fuckin loosing them so here goes i behold sweet boys the hockey stick

Ok boys now that we have the basics of hockey oh yeah i forgot to tell you, that's the game you guys are supposed to be playing HOCKEY, rather then oh i don't know standing on the ice playing school yard games like red rover.

We have the basics down of what you need to be doing on the damn ice.Ice, Skates, hockey stick, puck, net. Use the hockey stick to put the puck in the net. should look like this

I realise getting the puck in the net is well hard for you, like harder then a teenage boy watching porn for the first time, but uhm listen just try it out for size. Well i hope sarcastic hockey tips with Lyndsey Elizabeth Has been as good for you as it has for me..........until next time aka you're next fuck up.

Shes a Gimp

Remember that time i almost got hit by a cast iron pan by Flannigan?? but i was a real slick ninja and i dodged it then the gimp saga began?? well im sure Flannigan remembers this happening and as for the rest of you, Welcome to the Gimp saga....... watch out for those cast iron pans though and sidewalks and stairs and baby Noah's. I'm serious not even pulling your chain or you leg or your dick or whateves, I'm for serious yo. Well this morning i tripped on my front steps, i bailed out and failed epicly. I have also discovered my teacher looks like a dude from brooks and dunn, not sure which one it is though, also he is shorter then me and currently won't shut the fuck up

someone get me the cast iron pan please

that was mean again, I'm in pain cut me slack

PULEASEEE

A Hunk Of Junk Pt.2

So I'm pretty sure I'm falling apart......or dying or i have the plague or something. I like to exudate its what I'm good at, and its how i do. I took advantage of our oh so lovely FREE heath care in canadaland yesterday, and after 6 years of waiting and trying and calling and being pushy i finally got into see a specialist for ever so plaguing stomach problems which first they thought oh its just acid reflux, nope maybe its ulcers, nope maybe its an very very sexy inflamed infected esophagus but oh no you know what that dick wad said it was guess what? FUCKIN NOTHING. I'm pretty confident i have not been in sever pain everyday for the past oh i don't know 8 years for nothing. I DID NOT GET A STUPID CAMERA SHOVED DOWN MY THROAT AND GET PICKED WITH MORE NEEDLES THE A HEROIN ADDICT WHO WON THE LOTTERY FOR NOTHING. No sir its not nothing, so y'know ima get a second opinion and stuff. On other news my beloved Habs epicly failed on Saturday and kinda on Friday to. We lost oh man it pains me to say this but we lost to Toronto. i pretty much was all hey guys way to skate like a seizing paraplegic, good job, good job, fantastique. You guys fail. But wanna see an upside to the night. Its not a fight or anything its just a whole lot of angry sexy man. Little know fact about me i love me an angry sexy man especially if he's eastern European and hockey player and named baby Kostitsyn, or Sergei Kostitsyn, or SK-74 or sexy Sergei. He's what i would call a man of many names. Similar to a man of many faces but more fun to say cause i said so? any who you're lucky sons of bitches get to see what I'm talking about cause i found a VIDEO, Thanks YouTube. Just a little advice LISTEN TO THE ANNOUNCERS AND WATCH IT TILL THE END OR ELSE I'LL SEND BIG GEORGE LARAQUES AFTER YOU, unless you're out of his weight division then y'know he'll scout the room for someone who is in his weight division and send someone smaller then you to fight his battle, read Kostopoulos who is suspended for a "dirty check" on those pussy ass Toronto boys blah blah head hit blah blah broken hand blah blah concussion blah blah broken nose, what a pussy., OK that was mean. here's the video while i gather my composure and make a feeble attempt at being nice


ok so i made funkin sweet Montreal Canadiens hair bows cause well i love the habs i love hair bows, I'm a chick so its allowed bam. me attempting to be nice isn't working so well. Y'know what pisses me off a little while ago, I'd say about a moth ago i was at a Montreal Boston game and I'm real close I'm talking super close like i could smell the sweat close right, it was that beautiful game when Lucic and Komisarik almost made out it was hot but not really. anyways when you're that close you would probably take pictures too right? its not everyday us poor folk get 200$ hockey tickets now is it? well apparently you're not allowed to legitimately like hockey right? i obviously paid 200$ to look at hockey players right? WRONG ASSHOLES. i may love to look at hockey players but i didn't play for the tickets and i probably love hockey more then most chicks you know, I've loved hockey since i was a wee little one. hockey and i had a little falling out a short while ago but we made up, i can forgive and forget that hockey ditched me for a year. Anywho back to my story. Me+Victoria+Montreal- Boston Game+Cameras, Up to speed yes? OK good. So after the end of the 1st these asshole 40+ dudes turn to me and Victoria and are all hey do you girls even know the score, so not only is this dickwad accusing me of not like hockey but also making me out to be stupid, LIKE YOU CAN MISS THE SCOREBOARD, fuckin asshole. So i says to him i says Oh no wait i actually like hockey, do you think i would dish out this kinda money to look at mens, I'm not some desperate slob like some people?? And even lets say i hated hockey you fuckin cunt and i came here only to look at mens, would you not go to watch hot chicks play a hot sport? I'm very sure you would, yeah no I'm 100% sure and I'm pretty confident beach volleyball isnt a real sport. its onyl for dirty disgusting horny men to watch, men get a whole sport for that and i can't come to a game enjoy the game and the men playing it.Oh no that'd be a crime. so fuck off, K thanks. This entry has already gotten too long and all over the place without being too far all over the place and uhm sorry about so much hockey talk little miss Ellie, although we know Flannigan will like it. Ok I'm out

PEACE

NOT SURE WHY I SAID PEACE OK I'M DONE!

A Hunk Of Junk

So uhm i've decided i swear way too much in my blog, i need to tone it down a notch or take it down a notch, whatever sometimes i like to ruin saying and use way too many coma. it's who i am, its how i do. But for reals though i need to stop swear as much which is why im not going to go cold turkey cause really that'd end horribly but i'm going to limit myself to one sexy dirty word per sentence, i was going to go per paragraph but really who i am i kidding, baby steps right?? So i'm going to go ahead and get a little something out of my system and then i'll get back to this what will be promised to be the most all over the place blog entry of this month, SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCK SUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER,TITS,STUPID CUNT ASS BITCH, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. ok now that its out of my system and i got all semi George Carlin on your ass and i macked on his seven dirty words because really the might be my favorite especially cunt, i saw that alot, never actually referring to what a "cunt"is more so to people. My favorite part of England being able to say cunt and having no one gasp like i just ate their baby or something, im not the pope i don't eat babies or anything and he;; while we're talking about difference between me and the pope i don't join Hitler youth either so really im nothing like the pope. Ok so here is the deal i'm a hockey fanatic these days, I do live in Montreal so its very acceptable hell i'd even say its a requirement. I just wanna talk about last Saturdays game and how we lost but it was ok because seriously the ducks have a player who has the most epic moustachio EVER!!! like a move over Nick Cave there is a new moustachio in town, if you do not know Nick Caves moustachio click on his name, its magical ohhh wow. Seriously George Parros he wins at moustches and it gotten bigger and better and alot less sexy, but i have this weird over whelming urge to want to comb it and it makes me feel so dirty in the best way possible. ok dudes so im really tired and uhm i'm turning this entry into a two parter , oh how exciting you're favortie kid of entery one with a little suspense...............