Thursday, December 25, 2008
so since the year is over I'd like to throw out two of my favorite quotes of the year, maybe its kinda cocky of me to do this and once you hear the quotes you'll love punderfullness of me calling that cocky.
so remember when i had that lovely run in with that lovely band that opened for gbh, then i went from foufs to katacombs to a sexy alley way in china town and stuff happened and like 3 Asian dudes on a "smoke break" watched. pretty sexy right, well this is where quote number one comes along. I'm wiping my mouth while we walk and i utter these words "so, you get alot of ass on tour?" cause i like to make things awkward for dudes after we have fun in Chinatown, that happening even brought us the "You know what happens in Chinatown"
Next on this happened all in that same night way later on at the after partay, im in a van with a dude who happens to be in the same band as boy number one, so things start to happen he takes out his wang, i look at him, i look at the wang, i pause and i open my mouth but the wang does not go in, these words come out " I'm sorry i can't do this, i just blew your drummer' BAM AWKWARD TOWN, then we went to boner town so it was ok. this second "slip up" brought us another little gem and a book i intend to write called "How to S and Esse by Ninja Ninjaroni"
YAY for over share woohoo
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
I has a new blawg y'all. it's a joined blawg with Miss Lilly aka my BFF yo. Even BFFL.
and i started a new installment russian of the month. fuck i love russian. Me and Russians we'd mate like Lions hells yeah.
So if you've read our little mini bios over on the side you will know that i Lyndsey Elizabeth love, love, loves them damn Russians. Well i love all Eastern Europeans but Russian of the month sounds better and since they dominate the NHL it won't be too hard to have a new Russian of the month and you know damn right when i start to run out I'll just change it tp eastern European of the month......why? because i can, its my blog not yours na,na,na,na,na,na!!!!!
So here we go the first installment of the Russian of the month club. If you have ideas, comment, or want a membership please email me for the rule regulations and cost of being a part of this sexy sexy fan club, these sexay things don't come cheap. Like hookers, or women.......same difference really though. BAHAHAHAH.
Standing 6'1 and weighing in at 215. This loveable little guy was born in Togliatti, Russia.
Born on Feb 24, 1973, He's a beautiful 35 years young. Now he ranks number 94 in scoring in the NHL and although that is not as magical of a number as oh say B.J Laraques who is currently at number 680, Kovi is still a fan fav. Its time for fun facts about Kovi If you've ever sat down on your couch and wondered "What the heck is Alexei Kovalevs favorite smell?" well don't fear i am here to tell you that he loves the smell of kabobs on the Barbeque, His favorite concert you ask why that's easy Depeche Mode which is all of this mocking is a funking awesome band, Now Ladies he makes $4,500,000 a season and thinks jewellery, Yes jewellery is the way to a women's heart........what a catch. For all of these lovely reason and because he's I figure my first Russian of the month should of played for the Habs and should of been well actually Russian, That's why Alexei is Fan Fav RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH.
Monday, November 17, 2008
......................................... That's right you guessed American idol number one John Mo'Fuckin Waters. He is god, hes Jesus. He is sweet baby Jesus, but in a sexy tacky, very gay way. Which is the best way to be Jesus...Hells yeah. He is a genius and he hates so many things but is so funny about it and i one day too hope to be as hostilely funny as john waters. He's uplifting and inspirational and charismatic and*insert tear here* Glory Hallelujah Praise the lord and stuff !!!
how can you resist a face like that, he is only the greatest gay man to ever live. Seriously all films aside he is the awsomest. And the only person to ever get me star struck. His writing is amazing just amazing if you haven't read his books ask me to lend them to you because he's hilarious, like woah for serious i love him more then i love snoop, yeah that's right and y'all know how much i love that gangsta ass mother fucker, i think its his hair bobbles and sweet pony tail braids, and y'know his tight beats and bad ass rhymes. Back to John Waters fools!!! He is the pope of trash but a little more cannibalistic then the actual pope cause for serious Ratzinger is a total cannibal.
I could go on about my pure love for John waters all day but ill save you, Next order of business
My other absolutely amazing American idol is HUNTER S THOMPSON,
oh yes ladies and gents mister Gonzo journalism himself, mister fear & loathing, rum diary, curse of lono, hells angels, the great shark hunt, better then sex, rolling stone writing amazingly awesomely, bad ass mother fucker, in my calling him a mother fucker i would totally be OK with him fucking me mother even though he's dead. Hunter S as i like to call him is the greatest writer of all time and in all of his fucked upness he still managed to have a career well I'm not sure you can necessarily call it a career per se but he did get a PhD which in actually reality give me hope that if a bad ass mother fucked like Hunter S can get one maybe a no so Bad Ass father fucker like me( cause i don't fuck moms cause I'm not a huge dykie lesbian so i do dads not moms) back to my sentence not only as i a not bad ass father fucker I'm also a slacker, but he was always strung out. I would strongly suggest reading everything he has written, go to you're library, go to your local book store preferably a used book store cause they're way better and i like my books the same way i like my mens previously loved no virgins for me thanks. If you're unsure of whats good to read well ask a ninja aka me. This post took way too long to write and I'm not sure why but I'm liking the use of pictures in my blog. I will write again soon kiddies for now comment you motha fuckas i like feedback
Next order of business Skates, you use these bad boys on the ice to get around and not fall on your ass, I'm still looking at you Lapierre. Just y'know skate with these damn skates ok so this part needs working on but you get the point. Lapierre can't skate. For reference these are skates
Look at this right here, this is a puck get to know it very well, its one of you're best friends.
y'know don't put it in the net of the guy wearing the same shirt as you or else Chuck Norris will come and steal your soul .see that right below this sentence it's a net, say it with me boys n-e-t.
OK so now that we covered ice, skates, pucks and nets we're gonna talk about you're number one tool on the ice other then you're body it's called a hockey stick, you use this handy dandy little thing well unless your Chara and then its a handy dandy giant thing but anyways you use a hockey stick to put the puck in the net. now I'm gonna show you a hockey stick since you guys done seem to know what they are cause you keep fuckin loosing them so here goes i behold sweet boys the hockey stick
Ok boys now that we have the basics of hockey oh yeah i forgot to tell you, that's the game you guys are supposed to be playing HOCKEY, rather then oh i don't know standing on the ice playing school yard games like red rover.
We have the basics down of what you need to be doing on the damn ice.Ice, Skates, hockey stick, puck, net. Use the hockey stick to put the puck in the net. should look like this
I realise getting the puck in the net is well hard for you, like harder then a teenage boy watching porn for the first time, but uhm listen just try it out for size. Well i hope sarcastic hockey tips with Lyndsey Elizabeth Has been as good for you as it has for me..........until next time aka you're next fuck up.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
someone get me the cast iron pan please
that was mean again, I'm in pain cut me slack
Sunday, November 2, 2008
ok so i made funkin sweet Montreal Canadiens hair bows cause well i love the habs i love hair bows, I'm a chick so its allowed bam. me attempting to be nice isn't working so well. Y'know what pisses me off a little while ago, I'd say about a moth ago i was at a Montreal Boston game and I'm real close I'm talking super close like i could smell the sweat close right, it was that beautiful game when Lucic and Komisarik almost made out it was hot but not really. anyways when you're that close you would probably take pictures too right? its not everyday us poor folk get 200$ hockey tickets now is it? well apparently you're not allowed to legitimately like hockey right? i obviously paid 200$ to look at hockey players right? WRONG ASSHOLES. i may love to look at hockey players but i didn't play for the tickets and i probably love hockey more then most chicks you know, I've loved hockey since i was a wee little one. hockey and i had a little falling out a short while ago but we made up, i can forgive and forget that hockey ditched me for a year. Anywho back to my story. Me+Victoria+Montreal- Boston Game+Cameras, Up to speed yes? OK good. So after the end of the 1st these asshole 40+ dudes turn to me and Victoria and are all hey do you girls even know the score, so not only is this dickwad accusing me of not like hockey but also making me out to be stupid, LIKE YOU CAN MISS THE SCOREBOARD, fuckin asshole. So i says to him i says Oh no wait i actually like hockey, do you think i would dish out this kinda money to look at mens, I'm not some desperate slob like some people?? And even lets say i hated hockey you fuckin cunt and i came here only to look at mens, would you not go to watch hot chicks play a hot sport? I'm very sure you would, yeah no I'm 100% sure and I'm pretty confident beach volleyball isnt a real sport. its onyl for dirty disgusting horny men to watch, men get a whole sport for that and i can't come to a game enjoy the game and the men playing it.Oh no that'd be a crime. so fuck off, K thanks. This entry has already gotten too long and all over the place without being too far all over the place and uhm sorry about so much hockey talk little miss Ellie, although we know Flannigan will like it. Ok I'm out
NOT SURE WHY I SAID PEACE OK I'M DONE!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
This would be a memo for you.
Ole, Ole, Ole is not an acceptable hockey chant.
Do the Habs Play Soccer full time? Don't think so
SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING A FUCKIN ANNOYING SOCCER CHANT!!!
we've covered the fact that it isn't soccer, well are we all Italian? maybe some of us- but most french douche bags who can't differentiate between soccer and hockey apparently. So not soccer, not entirely Italian, Wait could be in Italy.......nope fuckin wrong again. It's quebec. There aren't half as many rude douche bags in Italy, plus is nice there. So i think we've covered it Ole not a hockey Chant.
UnAcceptable Douche Fags
So now you know the difference, well just incase you're still confused I'll show you when to chant Ole Ole Ole
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
THIS BLAWG IS FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT READS THIS.
READER OF THE MONTH
FACTS ABOUT CHRISTINE: SHE LOVES HER PUPPY CHARLIE, SHE ALSO LOVES YOUPPI , SHE WILL PEE ANYWHERE, SHE LOVES P.T CRUISES AND THE 40+ CREW. ONCE SHE SPENT WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON A LEONARD COHEN TICKET. SHE ATTENDS SCHOOL AND IS STUDYING TO BE A HORSE. YOU MAY ALSO LIKE TO KNOW THAT SHE LOVES BEER, LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH AND I DON'T KNOW.......UHM DRINKING PINA COLADAS AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN???? OH SHE REALLY LIKES CRASS.
WOOHOO CHRISTINE READER OF THE MONTH. YOU WIN, UHM SOMTHING. ACTUALLY I'M POOR SO YOU WIN YOUR OWN BLOG, FOR SERIOUS. MAYBE A RANDOM FRENCH PERSON WILL READ IT AGAIN AND BE ALL OH MY GOD THAT GIRL WITH HER FINGER IN HER NOSE IS SO COOL. ESPECIALLY AFTER HE READS THE RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU SECTION.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I'm obviously talking about the Jesus statue and not Nick Cave................Not!!!
Tonight i saw Nick Cave play and oh my baby Jesus it was amazing. I am absolutely in love with him, damn is he fine. But on a more serious note his live show was amazing, probably one of the best ever. The crowd thought so too apparently, since he got not 1 but 2 encours, yeah bitches you wish you got that many encours. Although i was too short to see most of what was happening i just knew i was at one of best shows i had ever been to, and I've been to many many shows i might add, I'd say on average one to two a weekend for like 7 years now. Wow has it been 7 years must of been, Jesus i feel old and I'm only 21, see this is why i hate numbers. Anyways good shit, I'd give my first born child to see Nick Cave again. Just everything about him was amazing, His voice, his band, his songs, his face, his sweaty shirt, his energy, his showman ship. I'm fuckin drunk so this probably isn't amounting to much but I'm trying to start writing in my blog. Maybe even things other then my incoherent ranting that I'm sure you oh so love. Back to Nick Cave again though dudes, I know some of you i.e Lilly hate Nick Cave but seriously suck my dick Lilly cause Nick Cave just won my heart
THE END, PEACE OUT FOOLS!!!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
PHILLY YOUR GOING DOWN
GO HABS GO
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
DAMN YOU BOSTON BRUINS
Thursday, April 10, 2008
So since i told you ladies all about the things i don't like here are a few things i love. As the Beastie boys would say Ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out!!
P.s soon i'll be done with the lists and back to our regular scheduled program.
1- Jonh Waters- If you’ve read any of my blog this obviously comes as a huge shock to you but I love john waters more then my non exsistant children and pony. Oh John!!!!
2- Jeffery Dahmers neighbor- she said and a quote “it always smelt like he was cooking sumthin, but it never did no groceries” BEST QUOTE EVER!!!!! For those of you who don’t get this. Jeffery Dahmer was a cannibal killer. Just thing about it. You too might find this quote comfortably amusing.
3- English- as much as I have no sense of grammer, spelling and syntax. I do love English. I may butcher this language worse then well Jeffery Dahmers would butcher your ass.
4- Law & Order: SVU opening credits- this is actually my current favorite thing ever. Come on its awesome. “In the criminal justice system sexually based offences are considered especially hanus” blah blah I don’t know the rest
5- Bucky- Oh buck-a-roo you are the bestest cat ever. Your a bad ass, a bad mama jama, Can I get an amen. Oh lord, Oh lord!!!!!
6- My Teasing Comb- Seriously I love my teasing comb so much. I would be lost, dazed and confused without it.
7- Red Lipstick- if you’ve ever met me you know this!!!
8- Leopard Print- See above
9- GBH- the band that brought you such great tunes as city baby attacked by rats, city babies revenge, sick boy, christianized cannibals, womb with a view. Come on people you have to love this stuff people.
10- Winning- I LOVE winning especially at cranium. I’ll kick your ass a board games or card games or any kind of games as long as I don’t have to run fast or be tall or bowling!!! And when I win I have a victory dance and if you want I’ll make up a song about how you lost. I’m a good person like that.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
84- Interweb Pervs AGAIN- LEAVE ME ALONE PLEEEEEEEEEASE, that goes for the N.D.G rasta men too.
85- Gangstaaaaa- dude your not cool because you keep tags on your shoes, hats, undies, condoms, shorts, pants and whatevers else. Hanging out at the metro? Not cool. T-shirts dresses? Not cool. Snoop? VERY COOL, but he’s not redeemed you yet. Walking with a limb? Not cool. Sucking your teeths? Not cool. Saying ax instead of ask? Not even a little cool. Writing in a blog? Severely uncool .
86- Cell Phone Ear Pieces- You look like a douche. Re-think it ass munch
87- Pansy Ass Mofos – I’ll cut you GOD
88- Star anything- Are you 14? No, Are you a sailor? No, Do you live in space? No, Are you oh so punk rock? No, Are you an astronomer? No, Are you a loser? FUCK YEAH!!!!!
89- Pancreatic Cancer- LEAVE THE SWAYZ ALONE!!!!! How about this . You challenge Swayze to a dance off . He wins ,He lives. He loses , you die.
90- John Waters Haters- You have no reason to be hating on him. He is perfection in the body of a 62 year old directing gay man. He will kick your face in a punch fight and then blow you. Come on, Come on, Come on!!!!
91- Corey Feldmen’s Wife- She’s messing with the two Coreys. And she ruined the season of the surreal life he was on. Suzie is a bitch. I’d kick her face in a punch fight, but I would not blow her. John Waters would not either. Corey Feldman needs to ask her for his balls back so he can continue living. Just a thought
92- Quebec- Where our goal is to keep the English man down, and take away all his rights. Drive horribly, Have shitty roads, too many festivals, And be rude to our tourist. Je me Souviens
93- Leader on-ers- Why you gotta be straight tripping boo? Quit playing games with my heart, or I’ll cut yours out.
94- Snakes- I can’t even type about how much they gross me out. So no witty explanation. Not that most of my explanations are witty. But I try ok!! Don’t be hatin
95-Crocs and Gators- Dude they’ll fuck you up. Why? Just because. You can’t run, You can’t hide. They’ll find you. Kill you. And save you for later. Think you can climb a tree and you’ll be safe? Think again mother fucker, he’ll wait for you. Think You can run away, he’ll sprint and catch your pansy ass. And the water? Not even safe.
96- Political Correctness- Cunt, piss, shit, Jew, cock, nigga, midget, indian, eskimo, whore, blind, deaf, dumb, mute, homo, dyke, white trash honky, cracker. I got nothing this one is not funny. SURPRISE. But I really do fucking hate political correctness, evne though I don’t use half of those words.
97- Dexter Season 3- Hurry up and get here. I’m get antsy.
98- Kristy In Texas- COME BAAAAAAAAAAACK !!!!! we need you. The 514 needs you I need you . Bucky needs you!!!
99- Grammar- I only hate it because I’m bad at it. Suck on my chocolate salty balls grammar!!!!
100- The Pope- he looks likes a cannibal. Which means he is a cannibal. He eats babies. He uses their skin as Vatican city monies. Which are called pope bucks aka pucks. He was a part of Hitler youth. I think he might be a pimp. I’m not even joking. Check this out. He has a GIANT pimp stick y’know his giant cane. He has a sweet ride called the popemobile, that’s totally a pimp car. His sweet suit!!! Yeh he’s a nazi cannibal pimp.
101- OLF- You steal my rights. Make a second class citizen. Make my life a living hell. Prevent me from doing almost anything. FUCK YOU EAT A BAG OF DICKS!!!!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I'M SO EXCITED................LIKE JOHN WATERS IS COMING TO TOWN EXCITED!!!!!! but here comes the news that might make lil ninja cry. I think the tickets are sold out. This is end of the world type sadness. Bad enough there is no more Ol'Dirty Bastard but now i get no Wu Tang. I need my Wu Tang bitch. I'll be jonesing for my Wu Tang fix . I'll cut you for your tickets. Watch you back, i'll be lurking corners and alley ways. Watch it.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
71. Nicolas Cage- This ones for you Alex, Hate your heart out sweet thang
72. Scrunchies- Hello 1994 you look so sexy in your brightly colored scrunchie. 1994 the days when it was oh so normal for you and your boyfriend to share scrunchies . Oh 1994 break me off a piece of that.
73. Kitten Shirts- I could be severely mean and oh so not politically correct but I’m stopping myself. All im going to say is Grannies need only apply.
74. Censorship- FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT
75. Steven Harper- He looks like he touches babies and toddlers but school kids is so 4 years ago.
76. Cute- Only puppies and babies should be called cute so eat a bag of dicks………… k thanks
77. Cegep- I kind of wish we has grade 12. Instead of this piece of shit.
78. Bruce Springsteen - Again do I really have to justifiy this one? Come on, come on!!!!!
79. Children’s T.V- The wiggles are severely creepy to me, 4 or 5 men in their 20’s chillin out with kids all day. What is that bogusness??? Like for real dudes, who does this shit?? It’s creepy and really weird. Also the blues clues duder I’m sure he’s like retarded or something.
80- Playa Haters- Don’t hate on the playas hate their hoes.
81- The Police- I’m not talking about the band here boys and gals!!! I’m talking about the real thing. To quote my dear friends N.W.A FUCK THA POLICE
82- Escalator Stoppers- STICK TO YOUR SIDES ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!! There are two sides the walking side and the side I’m usually on “the lazy ass take me up the stairs without walking side”. Pick a side douche bag.
83- Metro Assholes- Those people who run for the metro and get stuck in the doors and then the metro stops for like 12 hours. Or those people who get in the metro cart when it’s so full your spooning with a stranger and not even an attractive stranger.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
56. Fringe Vest- Are you a cowboy? A biker? No…….Then you probably shouldn’t be wearing them. K Thanks?
57. White Nail Polish- Looks like you’re wearing white out on your nails. It’s gross . Although you don’t see many none old rich biatches.
58. Cyclists- I’ve already ranted about them but FUCK OFF!!!! There are bike paths and laws about driving on the sidewalk for reasons assholes!!!
59. Berkinstocks- Jesus need only apply
60. Pickled Eggs- EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
61. Public Washrooms- EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
63. Gangsta T-shirt Dresses- I always want to put a belt in the middle of their giant t-shirts and then BAM a mo’fuckin dress. In these sexay dresses they can do many things like go to prom, go to cocktail parties, be hookers, and all kinds of other sexy things.
64. Canadian Geese- They vicious mother fucks.
65. White Out- It doesn’t even work. . Well I suppose it does work being that it does white out your mistakes. But then it gets all bumpy and you have ot wait 12 years before you can write anything and it looks gross . I’d rather people just scratch out their mistakes looks more real.
66. Over Analyzing- FUCK OFF DOUCH-ARAM
67. Sybolism – Seriously ass munches say what you mean and mean what you say. I’m down with metaphors but symbolism ugh I hate it!!! And a symbolism just feeds those god damn over analyzers fuck that.
68. Toner Abusers-
69. Tent Dresses- Keep your moo moos to yourself. They are not attractive. I know your trying to rock the 60’s look which hellz yeh is super cool . But hellz no tent dresses are for Twiggy only. Think about and ask yourself What would Snoop do? That has nothing to do with tent dresses but I felt like writing it. And this is my blog and I can say what I want so suck it.
70- Bilingualism – It’s a joke in
Thursday, March 6, 2008
31. Chewing With Your Mouth Open- Learn some manner. If you’ve just eaten sea food I don’t want to see it as a sea food medley. Keep your foods in your mouth fool.
32. Wolf Memorabilia- Your a snappy dresser with your wolf shirt. Your wolf statue Good Golly Miss Molly that makes you cool. And the wolf tattoo JESUSSSS women must jump you.
33. Dora – Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! Fuck you Dora and boots. I will fight you and steal your soul.
34. Diego- go bone Dora.
35. Pink Obsession- OMG I like love pink. Like everything I own has to like be pink. I like pink so much I only shop at the store pink, And I only listen to like Pink. She’s like so cool. Seriously your not 5 years old anymore. Pink should not be the biggest thing in your life and your not a fucking princess.
37. Anorexic Bitches- Eats a
38. Bros – I'm talking about those uber "Italian" bros. They can all smoke a poll.
39. Hoes – Keep in your pants lady. No need to put out for everyone and their grandpa.
40. Squirrels- They are vicious and I have the scars to prove it. Makes coats out of them. They’re not as cute as they seem. Damn you
41. A&E Today- What happened to you a&e? We used to be friends. You had such hits as City Confidential, Cold Case Files, American Justice, and Serial Killer Biographies. WHAT HAPPENED????? Now you have such crap as CSI:
42. Velvet- I’m not a Vegas show star nor is this the 90’s and I’m not a fucking wizard, so really why wear velvet. I refuse to wear velvet. Black Velvet? Blue Velvet? NEVER
43. WWE- I can’t wrap my head around wrestling. Atleast not WWE wrestling. It seems so homo erotic to me. Especially since they try and make it seem so manly. Sweaty men in spandex getting a little too close…….i don’t know.
44. Church Smell- It creeps me out. Smells like death, deception with a little dash of molestation.
45. Ceramic Knick-Knacks- These are reserved for old ladies only. But not the super cool 8 husbands old ladies or the cat ladies. Just boring ass old ladies. They’re pointless dust collectors.
46. Nessie Doubters- NESSIE LIVES BITCHES. I’LL FIGHT YOU!!!!
47. Obsessively Green People – I know we should all do our part to save the world blah blah blah. I’ve known this forever. So get out of my face biatch, before I knock your teeth out. K Thank?
48. Popsicle Sticks- Seriously the thought of someone biting a Popsicle stick grosses me out so much. I get grossed out anything I think about it. I know its not as bad as I think it is but it still grosses me out to the high length you can possible imagine.
49. Spaghetti Sauce When Sick- Spaghetti sauce commercials when I’m sick are the second most gross thing to me I can’t deal with that makes me want to vom my face off.
50. French Music- I know I should more exceptive of French culture living in
51. Lobster Eaters- Fish are friends not food duders. Cows on the other hand totally not friends neither are chickens.
52. Sock and Sandals- If its cold enough for socks you should not be wearing sandals. I actually just hate sandals. Especially for dudes. It’s so disgusting to me.
53. Sun- Me and Mister Sun we’re not so much best buds. The sun kind of hates my guts. I get sun burns like its nobodies business.
54. Crocs- SO UGLY!!!!!
55. White Pants- I have no legit reason for hating white pants . Except for the fact that they are white pants. They are ugly, get dirty so fast and are gross. Are you a Droog? I’m pretty sure your not , so uhm lose the white pants.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
16. The Canadian Tire Dude – Fuck him he’s a greedy bastard and I hate him. I know he’s not a real person and is no longer the Canadian Tire dude but still fuck him!!!
17. Metro Hanger Outers – I know I’m blogging so clearly my life is filled with excitement, but I have more of a life then people who hang at the metro unless of course they’re drug dealers, which most of them are . But its still un-cool, hang out in parks and drink 40’s like back in the day assholes!!!
18. NDG Rasta Men – If your not from NDG aka the Dirty Deeg or if you don’t know me you probably don’t understand this. I know I have a big ass but that no excuse to follow me home your bike and ask me to smoke your pole. Does this work often? I think not. Also just because you see me walk by does not mean you can claim me as your wife. IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT!!!! WHERES MY RING BITCH?? HUH? HUH?
19. Seasonal Candy – Why can’t I have Eggies all year round?
20. Reality TV – Just because you’re a washed up celebrity doesn’t mean I care about when or how you eat, screw or shit. Unless you’re Flavor Flaveeeeeeee I don’t want to see you try and find love or any of that shit. Do us all a favor and enjoy your time on the d-list and don’t share it with us!!!!
21. Internet Weirdos – Most of you know what I’m talking about …….. I hope so anyways. Random interweb weirdos who message you and are all hey wanna check out my wang and then you’re all Ewwwww!!! I don’t even wanna see your wang a little bit not even a little.
22. Metro Cop Nazis – just because you have to work for the stm don’t make our lives a living hell. And don’t make 11 year old kids pay full fair because they don’t have their stupid metro cards, fuck!!! You only get those in high school, which an 11 year old kid is not in. Eat a bag of dicks.
23. STM Employees – Did someone shit in all of their corn flakes. Did you kick their puppies and sit on their babies? I know I’m kind of always angry and just a little jaded and my blog seems to of been getting the worst of that. But for realz when I think someone is mean as I do with the STM employees something is seriously wrong. I defend Charles Manson for Christ sake. If I think you’re an asshole like really and truly something is wrong.
24. American Apparel - Their Ads alone annoy the shit out of me. They’re so trendy its sickening AMERICAN APPAREL IS EVERYWHERE!!! They’re clothes look like every fashion faux pas from the 80’s and then some. It’s horrible and makes me want to vomit.
25. Avon Deadbeats - FUCK YOU PAY YOUR BILLS BITCHES….I’LL CUT YOU
26. Weather Retards – If you’ve lived in
27. The Mall – They are filled with High School Kids , Random Stoppers, Baby doll Shirts & Perfume Abusers. It also has chain stores, bad music, and they are always over crowded.
28. Unattended Children – I understand shopping with kids is hard, as is finding a babysitter. But watch your kids. We the people did not take on the responsibility of parenting this kid you did asshole so fucking watch him or her.
29. Babies at the Movies - Keep your babies at home, unless it’s a children’s movie. Which I never go see. So this obviously would not annoy me if some retards are all hey yeh lets take our baby to go see Pink Flamingos , and then I’m shyeh keep your babies at home they don’t enjoy John Waters classics and chicken sex scenes.
30.Lack of Dental Floss – I love flossing…….I’ve run out. I’m twitching. I need it.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
- Tom Cruise – Do I really need to explain
- High School kids – I have one word for you Obnoxious
- The Telephone – I don’t care about your day, or what you’re doing, or what your kids or dog or spouse or your plant is doing, so don’t call me to tell me. And leave all your other small talk bullshit for someone else.
- Heavy Breathers – This is creep don’t do it!!! You sound like a sex offender when you do this especially on the phone. So if you’re a heavy breather don’t call me
- Random Stoppers – those assholes who when your walking, walking, walking, la,la,la and then BAM the mofo stops out of nowhere right in the middle of the sidewalk or the mall to do something stupid that obviously couldn’t wait like talk to their friends they just “oh my god haven’t seen in so long” again like I give a shit.
- Ice- Hello bruised ass.
- Babydoll Shirts- Seriously is it your goal in life to look knocked up if your not? Because that’s all these shits do for you no matter how skinny you are.
- Underage Straight Edge Kid – Your underage asshole you pretty much legally have to be straight edge. You’re not cool. Being straight edge hasn’t been cool since Minor Threat did it……. And then still not that cool
- Perfume Abusers – Just like Advil when it comes to perfume one is often enough. I’m not talking bottles here we’re talking squirts people. No need to make my nose cry because you can’t shower like the rest of us.
- Sylvester Stallone – He thinks he’s more hardcore then Chuck Norris meets G.G Allin but really he’s less hardcore then Plastic Patrick meets the Backyardigans.
- Facebook Applications – Enough said really
- Taxi Drivers – They drive like maniacs, and are really creepy.
- It’s always on TV and it’s a shitty unrealistic show. And fucking David Caruso stupid lines fuck that noise. Miami
- Catcher in The
– Over rated, Over analyzed & over hyped !!! Fuck you Holden you’re a Phony.!!! Rye
- Toilet Paper Placement – When the toilet paper is over it really irks me.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Now you too can bust a move .C-C-C-Check it Out
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Eat it up bitches. I'm going to fess up to something that even one of my best friends just found out about me. I know your probably thinking what could it be something so significant she is well your probably thinking she's because I know you guys think in contractions. Back to what I was say what could be so significant that I'm dedicating a whole blog entry to it. Clearly only terribly significant things merit a blog entry correct? The answer to that question is negatory. Although when I told said best friends this so called secret she acted like it was well kind of a big deal like a horse sitting on a bar stool playing ping pong kind of big deal. Well I might as well get to this "Big Deal". The confession is your friends neighborhood Spiderman (i.e. me) well I can't ride a bike. This is true!! No more pretending to understand the saying "Hey It's Just like Riding a Bike”. Because uhm I don't get that saying guys Hello I can't ride a bike. So stop it please. The upside to me not riding a bike I will never be one of those assholes. Those assholes who when they're downtown on they're Oh so nifty bicycles decide it's a good idea to ride on the sidewalks. That’s shit even pisses me off when it’s not downtown. Seriously FUCK OFF get on the street or find a fucking bike path!!!! And have you ever been in a park and there are two paved paths, one path is the bike path and the other is probably a bike path too but in
Friday, February 1, 2008
so I'm going to get all self centered here because well i want to. I'm going to show you guys a little sumthin, sumthin that I've got!!! I'm not too sure why i keep writing this in the form of a letter but it just came out this way so I'm going to roll with it....good idea? i think so!!! I modeled for George who so far anyone who is reading this blog so far knows so I'm not going to pretend to be cool and act like people i don't actually know are creeping around here because uhm DUH!!! i know you all.....looks like I'm the creep!!! Whatever. Anyways back to what i was saying i modeled for George. When what seems like the beginning of time was actually just in November. I've gotten a few pictures back and I'm going to show them off because well because i want too!!! take that bitches. How ya like them apples? huh?huh?huh?.......thats what i thought!!!
Now whatever I'm not looking for you dudes to be all oh my goodness you look so good!! or oh hey you look like a garbage pale. Either way whatever you think I'm just showing them off because I've never really done anything like this so you know...... check it out. Anytime I say or even write check it out I get that "My Humps" song stuck in my head. From that part in the song where Fergie is all " My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)"
That stupid song gets stuck in my head for days at a time. Pisses me off stupid song that i hate to love but whatever. On the subject of the Black Eyed Peas , What the fuck happened to them they used to write songs with meaning and now it all My humps and Lets get busy or some shit like that I'm not entirely sure about that last one don't quote me on it or anything. I was just paraphrasing. So this was my “Oh hey I’m all over the places post" which wasn't too all over the place.......just a little bit. Trust me I’ll get more all over the place as I keep rocking out the posts don't you fret my pets!!!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Ok seriously George Carlin is a GENIOUS!!!!!
He is amazing. His stand-up is pretty much me. If you get George Carlin's stand-up and like it you kind of rock. So I’m going to be all lame and shit be all oh my god this quote like totally defines me, but for real this really does describe me........are you ready for it? Get ready bitches.......here it comes "I don't have Pet Peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds"!!!!!! If you know me you know this is true!!!! I don't just get a little but angry about things I fucking hate them in a huge way!!! I can't even explain why, things just get on my nerves and then i want to kick some fucking head in. Doesn't take much either.....you should maybe watch it, I'm just saying is all. So this is my new bog. Think about it, sit on it, try it out for size, see how you fucking like it asshole. So I’m going to leave you with a few George Carlin quotes because really I’m incompetent and I don't know how to post a video so here goes!!!
"My god has a bigger dick then your god"
"You know where I’d take the cake? To the bakery to see the other cakes"
"you smell like an anchovies cunt"
" Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!"
"So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family."
“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!"
"And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles."
"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."
Seriously you can't argue with this shit!!!!
Monday, January 28, 2008