Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Ain't Nuthin To Fuck With

OK so Me + Wu Tang= HOLY SHITE!!! Yeah they're coming to town bitches. APRIL 21ST!!!!!!
I'M SO EXCITED................LIKE JOHN WATERS IS COMING TO TOWN EXCITED!!!!!! but here comes the news that might make lil ninja cry. I think the tickets are sold out. This is end of the world type sadness. Bad enough there is no more Ol'Dirty Bastard but now i get no Wu Tang. I need my Wu Tang bitch. I'll be jonesing for my Wu Tang fix . I'll cut you for your tickets. Watch you back, i'll be lurking corners and alley ways. Watch it.


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

101 Reasons I Rule Part 6

HOLY CRAP its another instalation of 101 reasons i rule aka lets read about lyndsey complain. Who does not love that? really who?

71. Nicolas Cage- This ones for you Alex, Hate your heart out sweet thang

72. Scrunchies- Hello 1994 you look so sexy in your brightly colored scrunchie. 1994 the days when it was oh so normal for you and your boyfriend to share scrunchies . Oh 1994 break me off a piece of that.

73. Kitten Shirts- I could be severely mean and oh so not politically correct but I’m stopping myself. All im going to say is Grannies need only apply.


75. Steven Harper- He looks like he touches babies and toddlers but school kids is so 4 years ago.

76. Cute- Only puppies and babies should be called cute so eat a bag of dicks………… k thanks

77. Cegep- I kind of wish we has grade 12. Instead of this piece of shit.

78. Bruce Springsteen - Again do I really have to justifiy this one? Come on, come on!!!!!

79. Children’s T.V- The wiggles are severely creepy to me, 4 or 5 men in their 20’s chillin out with kids all day. What is that bogusness??? Like for real dudes, who does this shit?? It’s creepy and really weird. Also the blues clues duder I’m sure he’s like retarded or something.

80- Playa Haters- Don’t hate on the playas hate their hoes.

81- The Police- I’m not talking about the band here boys and gals!!! I’m talking about the real thing. To quote my dear friends N.W.A FUCK THA POLICE

82- Escalator Stoppers- STICK TO YOUR SIDES ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!! There are two sides the walking side and the side I’m usually on “the lazy ass take me up the stairs without walking side”. Pick a side douche bag.

83- Metro Assholes- Those people who run for the metro and get stuck in the doors and then the metro stops for like 12 hours. Or those people who get in the metro cart when it’s so full your spooning with a stranger and not even an attractive stranger.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

101 Reason I Rule Part 5

I know this is probably getting old and un-funnier but whateves. Welcome to part 5 . Enjoy your stay in part 5 of "101 Reasons I Rule". Good day.

56. Fringe Vest- Are you a cowboy? A biker? No…….Then you probably shouldn’t be wearing them. K Thanks?

57. White Nail Polish- Looks like you’re wearing white out on your nails. It’s gross . Although you don’t see many none old rich biatches.

58. Cyclists- I’ve already ranted about them but FUCK OFF!!!! There are bike paths and laws about driving on the sidewalk for reasons assholes!!!

59. Berkinstocks- Jesus need only apply


61. Public Washrooms- EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

62. Arnold Schwarzenegger – He is a bad governor, a bad actor and uhm I don’t know if any of you have noticed this but he has no neck. If my mom taught me one this is was “Never trust a man with no neck”. Plus he is kind of a stalker, He’s always all “Oh I’ll be back” . Oh on you won’t biatch.

63. Gangsta T-shirt Dresses- I always want to put a belt in the middle of their giant t-shirts and then BAM a mo’fuckin dress. In these sexay dresses they can do many things like go to prom, go to cocktail parties, be hookers, and all kinds of other sexy things.

64. Canadian Geese- They vicious mother fucks.

65. White Out- It doesn’t even work. . Well I suppose it does work being that it does white out your mistakes. But then it gets all bumpy and you have ot wait 12 years before you can write anything and it looks gross . I’d rather people just scratch out their mistakes looks more real.

66. Over Analyzing- FUCK OFF DOUCH-ARAM

67. Sybolism – Seriously ass munches say what you mean and mean what you say. I’m down with metaphors but symbolism ugh I hate it!!! And a symbolism just feeds those god damn over analyzers fuck that.

68. Toner Abusers-

69. Tent Dresses- Keep your moo moos to yourself. They are not attractive. I know your trying to rock the 60’s look which hellz yeh is super cool . But hellz no tent dresses are for Twiggy only. Think about and ask yourself What would Snoop do? That has nothing to do with tent dresses but I felt like writing it. And this is my blog and I can say what I want so suck it.

70- Bilingualism – It’s a joke in quebec. It’s only bilingual if you’re French. if your English you can suck on a pair of balls . This place keeps English peeps down. I can’t even make this one a little funny because it really pisses me off.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

101 Reasons Why I Rule Parts 3&4

Heres a double feature for you. Two for the price of one. A double whammy. Ladies and gentlemen please gather here.

31. Chewing With Your Mouth Open- Learn some manner. If you’ve just eaten sea food I don’t want to see it as a sea food medley. Keep your foods in your mouth fool.

32. Wolf Memorabilia- Your a snappy dresser with your wolf shirt. Your wolf statue Good Golly Miss Molly that makes you cool. And the wolf tattoo JESUSSSS women must jump you.

33. Dora – Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! Fuck you Dora and boots. I will fight you and steal your soul.

34. Diego- go bone Dora.

35. Pink Obsession- OMG I like love pink. Like everything I own has to like be pink. I like pink so much I only shop at the store pink, And I only listen to like Pink. She’s like so cool. Seriously your not 5 years old anymore. Pink should not be the biggest thing in your life and your not a fucking princess.

36. Paris Hilton- Your rich leave the world alone keep your twat to yourself and your sex tapes, and your perfume, and your singing, and your acting. PLEASE!!!!

37. Anorexic Bitches- Eats a Sandwich

38. Bros – I'm talking about those uber "Italian" bros. They can all smoke a poll.

39. Hoes – Keep in your pants lady. No need to put out for everyone and their grandpa.

40. Squirrels- They are vicious and I have the scars to prove it. Makes coats out of them. They’re not as cute as they seem. Damn you Westmont park.

41. A&E Today- What happened to you a&e? We used to be friends. You had such hits as City Confidential, Cold Case Files, American Justice, and Serial Killer Biographies. WHAT HAPPENED????? Now you have such crap as CSI: Miami, Gene Simmons family jewels, Intervention, The Two Coreys, and many other lovely gems.

42. Velvet- I’m not a Vegas show star nor is this the 90’s and I’m not a fucking wizard, so really why wear velvet. I refuse to wear velvet. Black Velvet? Blue Velvet? NEVER

43. WWE- I can’t wrap my head around wrestling. Atleast not WWE wrestling. It seems so homo erotic to me. Especially since they try and make it seem so manly. Sweaty men in spandex getting a little too close…….i don’t know.

44. Church Smell- It creeps me out. Smells like death, deception with a little dash of molestation.

45. Ceramic Knick-Knacks- These are reserved for old ladies only. But not the super cool 8 husbands old ladies or the cat ladies. Just boring ass old ladies. They’re pointless dust collectors.


47. Obsessively Green People – I know we should all do our part to save the world blah blah blah. I’ve known this forever. So get out of my face biatch, before I knock your teeth out. K Thank?

48. Popsicle Sticks- Seriously the thought of someone biting a Popsicle stick grosses me out so much. I get grossed out anything I think about it. I know its not as bad as I think it is but it still grosses me out to the high length you can possible imagine.

49. Spaghetti Sauce When Sick- Spaghetti sauce commercials when I’m sick are the second most gross thing to me I can’t deal with that makes me want to vom my face off.

50. French Music- I know I should more exceptive of French culture living in Quebec and all. But I can’t. I don’t understand what they’re saying , For all I know they could be all “Hey ,Hey Kill The English Man, That’s What I Say” and I’m obviously not down with killing the English man or woman.

51. Lobster Eaters- Fish are friends not food duders. Cows on the other hand totally not friends neither are chickens.

52. Sock and Sandals- If its cold enough for socks you should not be wearing sandals. I actually just hate sandals. Especially for dudes. It’s so disgusting to me.

53. Sun- Me and Mister Sun we’re not so much best buds. The sun kind of hates my guts. I get sun burns like its nobodies business.

54. Crocs- SO UGLY!!!!!

55. White Pants- I have no legit reason for hating white pants . Except for the fact that they are white pants. They are ugly, get dirty so fast and are gross. Are you a Droog? I’m pretty sure your not , so uhm lose the white pants.